Death Note Chain
by DeathByConformity44
Summary: Are you jealous, Light-kun?" he asked me, a smile twisting his lips. I grimaced and turned back to the computer. What was I supposed to be jealous about? L was a freak of nature. Light and L are chained together. LxLight Strong Yaoi content
1. Chapter 1

*Note: I don't know how the hell L and Light un/dress with the chain on. I tried to write it in, but just try to ignore physics for once.

Being chained to L wasn't as easy to deal with as I had thought. As the black haired detective sucked on his third lollipop that first morning, all I wanted to do was rip it out of his mouth and poke him in the eyes with it. Even though I tried to distract myself by focusing on my computer, I could still see L sucking the lollipop in the corner of my eye, making little noises. I couldn't be sure if he was sort of humming to himself, or making little noises of pleasure at the lollipop, but it sure as hell was annoying. My fists clenched on the key board. No, instead, I'd shove that stupid lollipop down his throat and make him choke on it. It had only been a few hours. How the hell was I supposed to last a day, let alone the amount of time it would take to convince L I wasn't Kira?  
"Are you okay, Light? You seem a little frustrated," L commented, eyebrows raised. "You're not cracking under the pressure are you? Just confess you're Kira and get it over with." There we go again. "I'm not Kira!" I cried angrily, ready to launch myself at him.

I wish he'd stop saying it. I was sick of the whole Kira topic. I just wanted it to go away. The sooner I discovered who Kira was, the sooner all suspicion would leave me and I could carry on with my life...but trying to catch Kira was unbelievably difficult. Failing at this was making me irritable, and L was only rubbing it in further. What would he know? He hadn't come any closer to finding Kira, either.

"Watari, could I have some chocolate, please?" L called. How could he eat so much sugar and not get sick? I watched as the old man gave L a bar of chocolate, watching as L bit into it, savouring the taste in his mouth, before sucking on the lollipop again. "Would you like some chocolate too, Light-kun?" he asked me. "No," I grimaced, turning back to my computer. "Unlike you, eating too much junk food makes me sick. And fat." "I've never had that problem," L mused, tapping his lip with a finger. "Perhaps I should see a doctor. But then again, I've got no problem with enjoying a good chocolate and still being completely healthy."

"A good chocolate? You ate two bowls of ice cream for breakfast, you've been munching on lollipops, candy and chocolate all day. Don't forget those truffles you ate before. It's all you ever eat!"  
"Are you jealous, Light-kun?" he asked me, a smile twisting his lips. I grimaced and turned back to the computer. What was I supposed to be jealous about? L was a freak of nature. A brain that lived on sugar. I eyed the cup of tea he'd had earlier. I'd lost count after he'd put in the sixth sugar cube. I pondered briefly if all the sugar he ate made him taste sweet. As soon as the thought entered my mind, I dismissed it with horror. Ugh. How could I even think that? It was getting stuffy in here, I could use some fresh air and clear my head. This place was driving me crazy.

"I'm tired of being stuck in this place," I complained. "I want to go out and get some fresh air for once." "I'm working," L replied, typing something into his computer. I wished he was playing solitaire or some other game on the computer instead of actually working, just so I had a reason to vent my frustration and yell at him. I stood up and tugged on the chain. "Too bad. I'm going for a walk." L's obsidian gaze turned to me. "I say we're saying here," he replied coolly. I yanked on the chain again. "Forget it!" I snapped. "I've been locked in this place for too long. If being chained to you was supposed to give me a little more freedom than before, I'd say it's worse. I'd rather be in solitary confinement again!"

Matsuda looked up from his files. He gave L a guilty look. "Maybe you should take him out, L. He's been trapped in here for ages." L's lips pursed tightly before he stood up. I began to walk to the elevator, but he tugged the chain back. "Not yet. I need supplies." "What? Like sunglasses and a black cape? What are you, a vampire?" I grimaced. Watari handed L a bag full of lollies, two bars of chocolate, a bag of chips and another lollipop. "Thank you, Watari," L bid the old man, shoving the food into his pockets and opening the chips. He turned to me. "Alright, I'm ready to go."  
I rolled my eyes and led him to the elevator. As we travelled down, he leaned apathetically against the wall, eating the chips. "What's so good about the outside?" he asked me. "How about a breeze?" I suggested. "Or more important, the sun." "I would have thought you would prefer to stay inside and put every spare second into trying to catch Kira. Isn't that what you want, Light? To prove you aren't Kira?" "Kira isn't the easiest person to track down," I shrugged, glaring at my reflection in the door. L nodded, his own emotionless features rearranging into frustration. "I've been trying to find him from the start, and you're the closest I've gotten." "Well, you haven't gotten very far then," I scowled. "Besides, if I'm going to work at full capacity, I need to feel some sun, not artifical light. It's unhealthy to stay indoors so much." L merely averted his eyes, not even bothering to remark.

When the doors opened, I began a brisk pace, but L wanted to walk slowly. I yanked on the chain, knocking a chip out of his hand. His eyes narrowed at me. "Hurry up," I snapped. He gestured to our surroundings. "It's not going to all disappear any time soon," he pointed out. I forced myself to a slow walk, and we found a nice garden to walk through, filled with children playing and people generally enjoying the nice weather. I kept my hands stuffed into my pockets, but it didn't quite hide the fact I was chained to L. I ignored the stares and pointing, trying to make the most of the outing. L finished his chips and moved onto the bag of lollies. "You should take off your shoes," he suggested. "The grass feels nice." "For all I know, there could be a hypodermic needle on the ground. You should wear shoes more often." "You don't know what you're missing out on," L murmured, offering me a lolly. Reluctantly, I took one.  
The air felt wonderful on my skin, the sun warming me. I noticed how pale L really was, his skin nearly glowing. His hair shone in the light. He was quite attractive, especially in the light of the sun, surrounded by grass and trees, so how could he not enjoy the outside? My thoughts caught up to me, and I berated myself. How could I be thinking of L as attractive? What the hell was wrong with me? I tore my eyes away from him and tried to relax.

"I'm tired," L told me after a while. "I want to go back." "No way," I replied, wrinkling my nose at the idea of having to go back to Headquarters so soon. "If you're tired, we can have a rest." I led him to a shady tree and we sat underneath it. Under my fingers, the grass was soft and silky. It would probably feel good between my toes, but I didn't want to try it and prove L right.

L offered me more lollies and I absently ate them, trying to think about anything other than Kira. A girl jogged past, and I watched her, reminded of Misa. I stifled a groan. My self-proclaimed girlfriend. I played along, only to keep her happy. "She's not that pretty," L murmured. I jumped in shock, having momentarily forgotten he was beside me. "What?" I managed. He gestured to the girl I'd just been watching. "Her. She's not that pretty." "Oh. I don't know," I shrugged, not really caring. His eyebrows drew together minutely. "What about Misa?" "She's so possessive," I chuckled, "but she's adorable." L seemed to think about this before he unwrapped the lollipop, putting it to his lips. I gave him a curious look. "What about you, L? Have you got a girlfriend?"

Perhaps I didn't really need to ask. Sure, he was attractive, in an odd way, but his pale skin only proved he didn't get out much. But hey, there was the internet. Maybe he had a girlfriend online? Looking at L, I didn't really think so. He didn't strike me as the kind of person to be in any kind of a relationship.

"A girlfriend? No," L shrugged. "I have never had a girlfriend." "Oh. I guess you spend so much time working..." I trailed off, not wanting to embarrass him. Later on, if he annoyed me, it would make excellent ammunition. L simply shrugged again, eyes apathetic. He sucked on the lollipop, stirring a tight feeling within me. I quickly looked away, trying to ignore it. I swallowed the small lump in my throat, not even daring to wonder what was wrong with me.  
"Do you want some?" L asked. I turned to see him offering the lollipop. I shook my head quickly and lay back, closing my eyes. There. With my eyes shut, nothing could capture my attention.

"Light, can we go back now?"  
I groaned. "No."

"Do you recall what I said to you in the elevator? Wouldn't you want to clear your name? Your lack of effort into not wanting to find Kira only makes you more suspicious."

"Can we just forget Kira for a while?" I asked, scowling with my eyes still shut tight. "I'm taking all I can bear."

"Light?" His voice was slightly strained.

"What?"

"Get up."  
"Why?" I asked, opening my eyes. L was staring at something across the park. "Look! Hotdogs!"

I spotted a street vendor and groaned. L got to his feet and tugged on the chain. "We have to go get one. Get up." "Why?" I asked, closing my eyes again and trying to stifle a grin. He nudged me with his foot. "I'm hungry. I want a hotdog. Get up, now."

"I don't think so," I teased, resting my head on my arms. "I'd rather stay here. Maybe if you call out, the hotdog man will come over here."

"Hey! Hey! You!" My eyes flew open in surprise. L was actually shouting at the vendor. I'd meant it as a joke, to embarrass him, yet he was not modest. "Yes! You! I want a hotdog!" L called. I sat up, wondering if L was going to start jumping up and down in excitement, too. The vendor took his cart and brought it over, giving L a hotdog. L turned to me. "Can I have some money, please?" he asked innocently. I groaned and reached into my pocket, pulling out my wallet. "You owe me," I told him, handing him some money. How could someone as rich as L require money? He paid for the hotdog, passing me back the change, then dug into his pockets, pulling out a handful of sachets containing sugar. I groaned. Expect him to be prepared. L then added pieces of his chocolate to the hotdog before eagerly eating it.

"Alright, let's go back," I sighed, getting off the ground. He was the one to trail behind, eating his hotdog. Even though he seemed emotionless, I could see in the set of his eyes he was happy, as well as from the small noises he made as he ate. What a weird guy. When we got back to Headquarters, I got back to work, but L sat on his chair, finishing off his meal.  
"How was your trip?" Matsuda asked, bringing over some reports. "Light bought me a hotdog," L told him, taking the last bite. I could hardly believe my eyes when he reached for the rest of his chocolate bar. I groaned and buried myself in work.

When my father arrived, I could see his disapproval of the chain. I was grateful to him, always standing up for me, believing me. Unlike L. It was annoying when L had to use the bathroom. I had to put down my work and follow him, standing there, waiting. I had to stifle a grin when L began to whistle as he undid his fly. He washed his hands twice and I splashed water on my face before leading him back to the computers.

Over a lunch of marshmallows and fruit dipped in chocolate, L challenged me to a game of chess. I ate only the fruit, not bothering to dip it in the chocolate, frowning. L made no facial expressions as we played. It was one of the hardest games I'd ever had to play. In the end, I won, but L didn't react to my gloating, which made me feel stupid. After the game, we went back to work, but nothing new came up.

It became late, and I struggled to keep my head up. L was still as alert as ever, eyes trained on the screen of his computer. "L, I want to go to bed," I complained. His lips twitched, but otherwise gave no other indication he'd heard me. "L," I pressed. "I'm tired." L gave a sigh and turned his eyes to me. "Tired? There is still much work to be done. How can you sleep at a time like this, when Kira is still active?" "Easy," I growled. I got up and tugged on the chain. He grimaced, very unlike him, and scooped up papers and his laptop. "Alright," he told me, voice hard. I gave him a sceptical look. "You're not bringing that to bed, too, are you?" "Of course I am. I'm not tired. If you wish to sleep, that is your choice." "Whatever," I grumbled, entering L's bedroom. It was unfurnished, the large bed plain with white sheets. My bag of things was in the corner where Watari had put it. Knowing L, I'd be chained up for a few months, so I wondered if I could convince L to empty one of the drawers of his things so I could keep my clothes in it. Probably not.

I spotted a door, and entered it, relieved at having discovered a shower. "Can't you have one in the morning?" L asked, reluctantly being tugged behind me. "No," I snapped. He turned and put his things on the bed, retrieved one set of papers before following me back into the bathroom. He opened a cupboard and threw me a towel, before sitting down on the tiles, beginning to read the document. I felt uncomfortable undressing in front of him, despite the fact he wasn't paying any attention to me. I stepped into the shower, turning on the water. I let out a sigh as the spray hit my face, soaking me. I found the soap and began to lather myself, feeling much better.

"You're getting water on me," L complained. "Have a cry," I replied, uncaring, washing my chest. L didn't reply. I wondered if he was going to have a shower, imagining him taking off his clothes. I caught myself, before my thoughts could go any further. What the hell was I thinking? L? I'd been thinking like this all day. I glanced at the chain, wondering if there was some way that it could be influencing me. I was looking for any excuse, no matter how far fetched, to explain why I was thinking of L in ways I shouldn't have been.

I turned off the water and reached for the towel, drying myself before wrapping it around my waist. I stepped out of the shower and spotted L taking off his shirt. My eyes drank in the sight of the bare skin of his back, before his eyes caught me in the mirror. I quickly looked away, forcing myself to act normal. "There's some interesting things in that paper," L commented, pointing to it on the floor. I picked it up and flicked through the pages, examining figures. I found one particularly odd calculation, and looked up at L to ask him about it, instantly flushing. He was pulling down his jeans, revealing no underwear. I cleared my throat. "Ah, L, are you sure this is right?" I asked, looking straight at his face. His eyebrows drew together slightly as he bent down beside me to read over my shoulder. "I didn't think so before, but I did the sums. Twenty-three hours, not twenty-four like I expected," he explained, before getting into the shower. I shut my eyes and leaned against the wall. Aliens, maybe? Or maybe it was Kira. He could manipulate the actions before death, right? So, Kira made me attracted to L before killing me off. Any excuse. I didn't want to admit the truth.

I heard L give a strange chuckle, and I gave a guilty start. "What is it?" I asked. "Nothing," he replied. "Just an errant thought. Irrelevant."

He spent forever in the shower, and it annoyed me further, I'd already been angry at myself. "Will you hurry up?" I complained. L turned off the water. "Can you hand me a towel, please?" he asked. I got up to reach the cupboard, but the chain was too short. I tugged on it, and L stepped out of the shower to give me more chain. I got out a towel, and averted my eyes when I handed it to him. I could have sworn I heard him give a snort, but his expression was clear, and L didn't snort. I strode back into the bedroom and rummaged through my bag, pulling out some boxers and quickly changing into them. When I turned around, L had put on his own boxers. I collapsed gratefully onto the bed, and I saw L's eyes flash possessively. I grinned at him. "Nice bed."  
"Move over," he demanded, reaching for his work. I scooted over and he sat up beside me, turning on the laptop. I hoped I would be able to get to sleep with the clacking of the keys and the noise of the paper as L flicked through the documents he held. I lay quietly for a while, watching him work out of the corner of my eye. His hair was still wet and dripped onto his pale chest. I wanted to run my fingers along his skin, remove the droplets, but I quickly rid myself of these thoughts. I sighed inwardly and tried to get to sleep. It was hard, with L's knee touching me, his breathing filling my ears, but slowly, I managed.

I opened my eyes slowly, feeling refreshed. I felt very warm, in fact, quite comfortable. Then I realised why. L had his arm around me, one of his legs between mine. I could feel his chest on my back, the feel of his nipples, his slow breathing against my neck. I gave a cry of surprise and scrambled away, only meaning to sit up but falling off the bed, yanking the chain and waking L up. "Light?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. I got up quickly. "C'mon, we've got work to do," I told him, ears red, trying to stay cool. L's eyes quickly reviewed the scene. "Did I push you out of the bed?" he asked. I nodded, pretending to be annoyed instead of extremely flustered. He shrugged and got up. We dressed, and headed downstairs. Watari was there, and had prepared breakfast. I ate cereal gratefully as L ate a bowl of chocolate pudding.

Matsuda arrived shortly, and began to talk to L about some research he'd done. I watched them talk, something bothering me. There was something about Matsuda I hadn't noticed before. It was the way he held himself in front of L, the way he moved. As I watched the way Matsuda giggled, L smiling slightly, I realised what it was. Matsuda fancied L!

My mouth nearly flew open with the shock. It wasn't obvious, quite subtle, but it made perfect sense. I stared at my computer, unseeing. Matsuda liked L. He liked the detective. Annoying, perfect, smart, frustrating, odd L. I snuck a glance at L, wondering what L thought. The detective seemed oblivious, but then that was part of L's charm. He had an excellent poker face.

I bit my lip. I had to do something. Maybe I could confront Matsuda. No, not with the chain connecting me to L. Or maybe I could embarrass Matsuda in front of L. Wait! Why would I even want to do such a thing? Why was I even thinking about trying to make a fool of Matsuda? Why did I even care? I bit my lip harder. Was it because of...what I'd been scolding myself for? Because...I liked L too? I blushed, just thinking about it.

"Are you feeling okay?" L asked me. "Your cheeks just went red." "I'm fine," I told him quickly, scared of giving myself away. "It's just hot in here." L simply shrugged and turned back to Matsuda. I felt a pang of jealousy. What was I going to do? No, what was I thinking? I didn't need to do anything. I shouldn't like L. That was just stupid. I was supposed to hate him. I did, in the way that he was annoying, but I couldn't help but find myself attracted to him. I bit back a groan.

I was quiet for the rest of the day, trying to come to terms with how I felt. I would have to say something. Wouldn't I? It took a lot of effort not to turn a bright red when L had to follow me to the toilet. "You're very quiet today," L commented. "Am I?" I replied, throat tight. "Yes, you haven't complained once today," he continued. "Matsuda even mentioned how odd it was." My head jerked up at the name. "Matsuda?" "Mmmn."

"You haven't...noticed that...Matsuda likes you?"

"Excuse me?" L asked, unconcerned. "Matsuda," I told him. "He likes you."  
"Unlike you," L sighed. "A lot of people like me, Light. Though your father is another matter. He respects me, but dislikes me strongly. I am fortunate for the friends I do have, of which I can count on one hand."

"No...I meant, he really likes you," I told him, glad he couldn't see my face. I felt relieved and guilty at the same time. "Can't you tell?"  
"Oh, really?" L replied, still sounding a little bored. "What should I do?"

"I don't know," I said with a fake snort. Ditch him. Come to me, instead. I zipped up my fly and flushed the toilet. As I washed my hands, I noticed L watching me closely in the mirror. "Tell me, Light. Does it matter to you, Matsuda's sexual preferences towards men?"

"Oh...Not really." Yes. I wish he'd stick to girls and leave you alone. So I can have you all for myself. L scratched his chin thoughtfully. Right. I had to scratch Matsuda's face off and knock him out of the competition. I wanted L for myself. But with L chained to me, I had no chance at getting away with anything. I would have to just have to put on my charm and hope L liked me more.

That night, I was a bundle of nerves, sleeping next to the man I liked. He seemed oblivious, absorbed in his laptop. Like last night, it took me a while to get to sleep.

I didn't open my eyes. What had woken me? There it was again. That sound, that hiss of breath. I listened closely. A tiny, muffled whimper...a soft sigh...a muffled moan, as if the person was biting a pillow. The only person it could be was L. I slowly opened my eyes, waiting for them to adjust in the dark. I could see the outline of L beside me, oddly shaking, arm moving slowly and rythmetically. "...Light..." he whimpered into the pillow. I stiffened. How did he know I was awake? His back was turned to me. Then it dawned on me. He was masturbating! He was thinking of me! I nearly gasped in shock, then almost giggled. I bit my pillow like he did, trying to muffle the noises that escaped my throat, nearly choking on a laugh. "...Light..." L sighed softly. I grinned into the darkness. "Yes, L?" I asked, amusement obvious in my voice. He froze, sucking in a breath.

"Was there something you wanted?" I pressed. "No," L murmured. "I thought you were asleep." "I was," I smirked. "But there was these weird noises that woke me up. You wouldn't have happened to hear them?" "No, I'm afraid not," L replied shortly. I bit back a grin. "You didn't? It sounded a lot like you. Anyway, get up. I want a shower." I would have to turn on the light in the bathroom, and he would be revealed. L slowly got up and I led him to the bathroom, flipping on the light. He turned away. I tugged hard on the chain, forcing him to jerk back. I laughed, seeing his erection pressing through his boxers. He turned his large eyes to me. "Is there something funny, Light Yagami?" "No, no, just an erratic thought," I teased, before a real thought came crashing down on me. I couldn't just say I didn't want a shower any more. It was late, and he hadn't even complained when I said I wanted a shower. To have a shower, I had to undress...in front of him...when he'd just been jerking off while saying my name. Darn it.  
"I've changed my mind," I told him quickly. "I'll have a shower later. I'm tired."

"No. You got me out of bed, now hurry up."

I eyed his body hungrily. Why was I so nervous? I wanted this. "Fine." I took off my boxers in front of him and stepped into the shower, turning on the water. L stepped in after me, and pulled me to him, bringing his lips to mine forcefully. I kissed him back eagerly, running my fingers along his skin. His erection pressed through his boxers to my thigh, and I felt my own stirring. He cupped my cheeks with his hands, and looked deeply into my eyes. "Light...are you really sure?"

I kissed his hand in reply. "Tell me you want me," I whispered against his lips. L's large eyes were worlds that I could lose myself in. "I want you," he murmured, running his tongue along my bottom lip. His hands found my rear and pulled me closer, grinding our hips together. "L," I gasped, grinning. He kissed me deeply. I was right. He tasted unbelievably sweet, the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. I simply couldn't get enough. The water still fell onto us.

"Do you remember when I said I never had a girlfriend?" L asked, kissing my neck hungrily, nipping the skin with his teeth. "I didn't say I hadn't had boyfriends before." He caressed my chest lightly, rubbing a nipple until I shivered, making it harden between his fingers. I gasped, hot pleasures pooling between my legs. Lightning raced down my spine at the smallest brush of his skin against mine. L kissed my throat, my collar bone, my abdomen, until he was on his knees. My breath was coming in quick pants, my hands tangled in his hair, urging him lower. He took me in his mouth, and I shuddered, falling back into the cold tiled wall as the hot wet tongue of his caressed me. "L..." I moaned. "Oh, L...."

He broke into a rhythm; drawing me in as far as he could, making me cry out. "...Hah...hah....Oh, L...Hah...hah...So...good...Hah...hah..." His hands pinned my hips against the wall so I couldn't thrust forward like I wanted to, it was a pleasurable torture. The world was spinning, and I was afraid I'd fall over. "More! More! More!" I cried. L complied, his fingers finding my entrance. I moaned happily, closing my eyes. He slipped in a finger, gently massaging, before adding another, all the while still ministrating the best oral sex I had ever received. He timed the movements of his fingers to that of his suckling, making me want to scream. Instead, I bit a finger, crying out into the falling water until I came. L swallowed my seed, then got to his feet and hugged me. I clutched onto him, nearly spent. "Thank you," I smiled, gasping for breath. I felt his throbbing member against my thigh, and I saw the restrained need in his eyes, the strain in his tight jaw. "L...I want you," I whispered. I was unsure, a little scared, but I knew he would be gentle and considerate. He kissed my forehead. "Are you sure?" he asked again. I nodded, and he turned off the water before scooping me into his arms and carrying me to the bed, both of us dripping wet. L rummaged through the bedside drawer before pulling out lubricant. I got into all fours, and then just left my rear in the air, resting my head on a pillow, wondering if I could go through with it. Would it hurt a lot? Would I bleed? L reached down and kissed my temple. "Just relax," he whispered. I nodded, trusting him, my heart racing. I was terrified, but I couldn't say no to him. I had to do this for him. I wouldn't forgive myself if I chickened out. I was curious as to how it would feel. Was it pleasurable?

I felt him move behind me, and he kissed my bottom, before nipping at the soft skin with his teeth. Two fingers, covered in the lube entered me, and I took in a deep breath as they massaged me like before. It was wonderful but I was still scared. Perhaps terrified was a more accurate word. L kissed my lower back. "Just relax, Light."

"Will it hurt?" I asked in a tiny voice. L was quiet for a minute. "That's just a part of it," he said finally. "Relax, Light. I'll go slow." I let him continue with his fingers, unconsciously drawing back to get them in deeper. Finally, his fingers retreated, and he kissed my back again. "Are you ready?" he asked. I wasn't sure. "Yes," I whispered. I felt him guide himself in, and I clenched fistfuls of the pillow, forcing myself to relax. His hands gripped my hips, and I gasped. It burned slightly as my skin stretched, but it was bearable. I felt full, in a pleasant way. L slowly withdrew, then plunged slowly back in. I breathed heavily, the slow pace hard to take after a few thrusts. "L...can you go...faster...?"  
L began to do so, still being as gentle as he could, his breathing coming in quick pants. I began to forget to relax, it seemed unnecessary. I was enjoying it, feeling new kinds of pleasures. I urged L to go harder, and he did so. I winced against the pain, but I soon grew used to it, panting harder. "...Hah...Hah...Hah!" I moaned, meeting him on every thrust eagerly. "L! L! L!" I cried out.

He moaned passionately, fingers reaching down to stroke my limp but slightly firm member. We reached a peak together, and he cried out my name in his orgasm, his hot seed filling me. He shuddered, before pulling out of me and falling back onto the bed, gasping for breath. I crawled into his arms, and he clutched at me tightly, as if he'd never let go.

"L?" I asked tentatively, breathing hard. "Yes?" he replied, breathing slowing down. He gently began to caress my cheek. I bit my lip. Was it a mistake to give him my heart?

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," L admitted. I gazed into his eyes, filled with wonder. "Really?" I asked, filled with disbelief. He nodded, a smile playing on his lips. He sat up with me, and hugged me, pulling me under the blankets with him. "Will you fall asleep with me?" he breathed in my ear. I kissed his throat and snuggled into his arms. "I want nothing more, L."

"Hmmm...."

"What is it?" I asked. L frowned down at me, a twinkle in his eye. "How am I supposed to tell Matsuda I'm taken?"

I woke up, aching. I felt fingers squeeze my nipple gently, making me gasp. L! I rolled quickly over to face him, unbelieving. Could last night really have happened? Was he really mine? L was smiling at me, and he brought his fingers to my neck to stroke it lovingly. "Good morning," he greeted me. I beamed in reply and kissed him hungrily. He pulled me on top of him, fingers at my entrance, rubbing in that wonderful, torturous way. I moaned, burying my face into his chest. I could feel the rumbling as he chuckled. L chuckling? It was amazing, such a wonderful sound.

My breathing became harsher to my own ears, and I took his nipple in my mouth, suckling gently. L arched up to me, his fingers rubbing harder. I smiled, wanting more. I released him and looked down at his lustful eyes. "L? I want you…inside me again," I blushed. He reached up to kiss me, hard and demanding. I kissed him hungrily back, bringing my hand down to stroke his member, wanting him now.  
It was pure bliss when he rolled me onto my back and ravaged my skin, his tongue sucking, teeth nipping, nails raking my hot flesh. I wanted him so badly, it was like an itch only he could scratch. "Light," he murmured against my skin. I moaned, pulling him closer. "L," I pleaded, voice strained. "L, I want you."

L's eyes fixed on me, aware. They half-closed again with lust as he rolled onto his back, pulling me up onto him. He reached onto the bedside table for the lubricant and flicked it open with his thumb before applying it to his swollen and throbbing member. He finally grabbed my hips, positioning me over himself, then let me guide myself the rest of the way. Gingerly, I did so, gasping with satisfaction at the familiar burning and tearing, but the throbbing heat within me, full and delicious. I shifted forward, then back, working into a pattern which left me gasping for breath, cries tearing from my throat, filled with unexplainable unbelievable feelings. L pushed forward, sitting up to ravage my neck. I continued to ride him, hands hooked around his neck, eyes closed.

I reached my peak, exploding between us, feeling him release inside of me, his wild gasps filling my ears. "Oh, L," I moaned, slumping, resting on him. He fell back against the bed slowly, cradling me. He nuzzled the top of my head, panting before settling back to rest.

"L?" I asked after a while, running my fingers along his chest. He made a noise. "Have you ever been with a girl?" I asked. He pushed away the hair from my neck and stroked the skin softly. "No. I have felt no need to." "Oh." "Why do you ask? Wasn't I satisfactory enough for you?"

"No, you were perfect," I assured him hastily. "I just wondered."

"Well, in that case, now you know," he replied, apathetic. He continued to stroke my neck, occasionally twisting a strand of my hair around his finger. After a while, he stopped. "Light, you're going to have to get off of me. We've got to go and do some real work. Unless, being Kira, it was your plan to seduce me, therefore try and occupy as much time as possible to slow down the job…?"

"I am not Kira," I scowled, sitting up and pushing him away. I strode to the bathroom, disgruntled, face burning when I heard his quiet chuckle when the chain refused to let me lose him completely. How could he even think that I was Kira? I'd have to be a pretty dedicated Kira to make myself sleep with him. Couldn't he see how much I wanted him, despite my nerves? I'd never been penetrated by a guy before, let alone kissed one. It was too much in one night to be able to comprehend. We'd gone straight to fucking. And I liked it.

I washed my stomach, wishing I could erase every feeling he left me with. Would Matsuda be able to tell what I had done last night and this morning? If he could tell, would he care? Probably, I mused.

"What are you thinking about?" L asked, surprising me. I'd almost forgotten he was in the bathroom with me. He stepped into the shower, took the soap from my hands and proceeded to wash my back. I shrugged, leaning into his touch. "Just thinking about how you're the biggest jerk in the world." "You're going to have to wear a collared shirt today." "Huh?" "I rather left my mark on your neck." His fingers trailed gently along the skin there, making me want to groan and lean into him further.

"L?"  
"Yes, Light?"

"You said last night…that you didn't know how to tell Matsuda you were taken…."

"I am not the kind of man to go and sleep with multiple men. Maybe in your case, _boy. _But I enjoyed our encounter and wish to repeat it…provided you wish to also. A purely physical relationship, mind you…."

I shrugged moodily, my heart racing. He enjoyed having sex with me? "I'm not a boy," I said instead, turning around to glare at him. He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose. "That's entirely debatable," he teased, his fingers tracing the hairline leading between my legs. "You're very immature."

"So are you," I breathed heavily, unable to believe the way his simple touch had hot blood pooling in my belly yet again. "You're childish and you still owe me money."

L smiled and gave me the soap, putting his hands over my shoulders so he was almost pinning me to the wall. "Well, I won't argue with that," he murmured against my lips. I washed his chest, working slowly lower, listening to the sound of his breathing, his eyes closed, lips curved upwards.

"L, we have to get to work, remember?" I teased, wondering what would happen if I 'accidentally' dropped the soap. He raised a brow. "Hoping to prove you aren't Kira? That's a change."

I gave him a frosty look and shoved the soap in his hands. I rinsed myself quickly then stepped out of the shower, reaching for my towel. L wasn't too far behind, and I took his advice, putting on a collared shirt to hide the marks he'd littered on my neck. If worse came to worse, I could just say Misa came for a late night visit. I didn't think L would really care, after all, he only wanted a 'physical' relationship. I wasn't going to argue with that.

Matsuda, Father and two other detectives were already at Headquarters when we arrived. We behaved no differently, the chain a tool we could use to irritate the other. But there was one difference.  
L sat at his computer, sucking on a lollipop. I almost wouldn't care, if he hadn't been gently caressing it with his tongue, making a rather suggestive show of it. I wanted to groan, rip my pants off and hit his head with a keyboard all at once. Instead, I slyly yanked on the chain, making his hand jerk and drop the candy. He gave me a disgruntled look, but I could see the glimmer of amusement there.

At lunch, I tucked into a healthy meal of rice and nicely cooked vegetables, watching with Matsuda as L ate a sponge cake dripping with cream and chocolate. It would have made anyone sick, yet L ate on, displaying his immunity to large doses of sugar. "How does he do it?" Matsuda asked me, eyes filled with awe. "He just keeps eating sugar."

"Hey, L, as a kid, did you ever just have a bowl full of sugar for breakfast and forget the cereal?" I teased. L looked up, face serious. "Yes." Matsuda and I exchanged looks. When we got back to work, I wondered if Matsuda was curious as to whether L tasted sweet. I hid a smirk. Yeah, he did, and wouldn't Matsuda be jealous if he knew that I had been given a taste!

I was impatient for the day to end, working thoroughly so L wouldn't accuse me of not doing my work because I was Kira. Stupid Kira. When Kira was caught, he'd have some answering to do for this suffering I was going under. But when Headquarters was empty, it appeared that L, like always, had no intention of stopping work. I sat disgruntled at my computer, half-heartedly working now. All day I'd been in anticipation of when we'd be alone together, and now, L didn't seem to be interested. I grit my teeth. There was no way I was letting L get away with this. I got up and spun L's chair around to face me before getting on my knees and hurriedly undoing his jeans.

"Light," he sighed, running his fingers through my hair. "You are so demanding."

"I know, and I'm demanding sex," I growled, pulling his pants down a little, gaining access to the thing I wanted most. I kissed his skin, watching him grow slightly. At first I thought he was going to say no and continue working, but then he sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes. I proceeded to suckle the tip of his member, swirling my tongue around it before taking him in a little further, then drawing back. I had no experience doing such a thing before, but I applied the knowledge I did know, giving him what I liked myself. He writhed beneath me, his hands pressing me closer. I had planned to stop before he came and sit back down at my computer, taunting him for the inattention he'd given me, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to taste him.

I drew him in as far as I could before gagging, and felt him bubbling at the surface, ready to meet his climax. He came, filling my mouth with his metallic spice, the hint of sweetness in the taste. A strange, new, delicious, addictive taste that was distinctively L.

I heard a whimper, and I looked up, grinning at L. He was looking across the room. It hadn't been his lips to utter the sound, but someone fleeing, tears in their eyes. Matsuda! L stood up and did up his pants before walking quickly over to the security centre of the room, turning on the microphone. "Matsuda, perhaps we should talk about this," he said softly into it, voice slightly tinged with urgency. Matsuda stopped running in the cameras, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He looked so small and hurt. I gazed at L, who had no emotion on his face. "Please, Matsuda. Turn around and come back here. I owe you an explanation."

I watched as Matsuda hesitated, then slowly came back. I flushed, and sat in my seat, nervously neatening my hair. What was L going to say? L leaned against the security console as Matsuda entered timidly. I didn't turn around to watch him, instead, I used the reflection on the dark window. Matsuda stayed close to the door, wiping his eyes. L didn't comfort him as I expected, instead, he stayed by the console, arms folded naturally, obsidian eyes firm. "Matsuda, what you just witnessed was inappropriate and I apologise. I was unaware anyone was still in the building."

"I just came back to get some folders I forgot," Matsuda sniffed, trying to sound uncaring, but his voice wavered. L's lips twitched, out of which emotion I couldn't detect. "Matsuda, I know it is rude to ask you to keep this to yourself, but I'm asking you as a colleague, perhaps even a friend in the time I have come to know you. I understand if you refuse, but I would appreciate if you never mention this incident to anyone."  
Matsuda was quiet for a while, then he spoke in something akin to a whisper. "Are you with him?"  
I saw L's eyes flash to me before turning back to Matsuda. "No. Our relationship is purely work-related. This was an incident I should not have allowed. I knew better, and again, I apologise."

Matsuda nodded slowly, then he stumbled out, L letting him. I sighed and rested my forehead on the desk, feeling like a kid who just escaped punishment, but I also felt incredibly guilty. Poor Matsuda. What would it be like to come across the one you admire being pleasured by someone else? He probably felt miserable.

L returned to his work as if nothing had happened at all. I did so as well, trying to distract myself. Finally, I couldn't stand the silence. "L?" He turned his head to me, eyes still locked on his computer. "Can you say something? Please?" I asked, biting my lip. His eyes shifted to my face, trying to read my expression. "What would you like me to say, Light? I can recite some poetry if you like," he said sarcastically. His mood made me angry. "You weren't that nice to Matsuda. You could have at least given him a hug or something, he looked really upset. You realise he likes you right? So he's probably going to jump off a skyscraper now or something."

"Do you honestly care about Matsuda? Or are you just trying to mould me into someone who cares?" L snapped. "Matsuda saw something he should not have, and I regret it. Matsuda's personal feelings are of little importance."

I gritted my teeth. He regretted me making him moan and writhe beneath me? I turned off my computer and got to my feet, tugging the chain. "Get up. I'm going to bed," I growled. L glared at me. "I'm staying here. You can sleep on the floor." I tugged on the chain roughly. "Forget it," I snapped. He bared his teeth angrily as he got to his feet. I stared in surprise as he took the steps between us and sprung into me, wrapping his arms around me and pushing me to the floor. I hit the ground hard, L on top of me. He pressed his lips roughly to mine, hands pushing up my shirt. "I hate you," I scowled against his lips. He ravaged my neck, drawing a gasp from me, my fingers twisting in his hair, legs wrapping around him. "I hate you," I repeated, kissing his cheek, pulling him closer. L's lips moved hungrily along my jaw, down my neck, to my collarbone before he stilled. I kissed the top of his head to encourage him further, but he simply shut down, lying on me tiredly.

"Didn't we learn our lesson, Light? Only an hour ago Matsuda just left this building after witnessing our activities," he murmured, head resting on my chest. I stroked his head, relaxing. "You could have been nicer to him. You were pretty formal about it all."

"I already told you; Matsuda's personal feelings don't mean anything to me."  
"Then what does?"

"I can think of a few people," L chuckled, hand tracing patterns along my stomach. "Me?" I asked, trying to refrain from sounding too hopeful. L raised his head to look at me properly. "Would you like me to care?" he asked carefully. I shrugged and looked away. Yes. I'd like it very much, but I wasn't going to embarrass myself and tell him that.

"Light, please look at me," he murmured. I turned my eyes to him, feeling very small. "Light, you are incredibly annoying, irritating and yet so thought-provoking and intelligent. I can't bring myself to feel any affection for Matsuda as his mind doesn't relate to mine. Yours, however, is so alike to mine…How can one genius not admire another? Light, I don't have the patience to care about people, but there are some that I am limitless with. It is up to you where you wish to be. I can't promise myself to someone without a promise in return."

I was silent, thinking about his words. Timidly, I stroked his cheek with a finger. "How much of a promise do you want? Eternal, for as long as we both shall live? Or something along the lines of 'let's just be friends' or 'friends that fuck'?"

"Well, for now, I think I can handle friends that fuck," he smiled. "Consider yourself lucky. Not many people can claim they know the great L, let alone are friends with him."  
"Forget being friends, I've screwed him," I laughed. He laughed with me and helped pull me to my feet. "Let's just leave things and see where things take us," he suggested. I bit my lip hopefully. "Can we start off with some sex then?"

Over the next few days, I could see the strain on Matsuda. He knew the signs that L and I were still fucking around, the way we'd both 'accidentally' brush each other all the time, the stolen glances…I was sure Matsuda hadn't told anyone, but I was expecting him to any day now. It filled me with a nerves, the only time I wasn't engulfed in nervous wait was when I was in the throes of passion with L. In his arms was the only place I wanted to be, I wanted to never leave the places he took me during our love making. I never wanted his lips to leave my skin, never wanted to fall asleep afterward, never wanted to stop. He was the only thing I desired. I couldn't get enough of his sweet addictive taste.

One morning, in the shower trying to wash off the evidence of our most recent coupling, L wrapped his arms around me and murmured gently in my ear. "Light, you know as well as I do that one day Matsuda will tell someone. Why did you never tell your father?"

I leaned into him, wanting him to hold me tighter. "I never figured I'd ever…sleep with a guy. Let alone you, of all men. They were just feelings that I repressed. I never found many guys attractive, I didn't let myself think about it."

"Would you rather tell your father yourself, before Matsuda does?"  
I sighed happily as he nibbled gently on my ear. "To be honest, I don't really care anymore. Father can't stop me from doing what I want." "What is it you want?" "Mmm…I've got quite a list," I teased. He kissed my temple. "We've got all day."

"Well…What I want…is you."

"You already have me."

I stroked the back of his hand, relishing his words. "Do I?" "Yes. Until I prove you're Kira, that is," he smirked in my ear. I kissed whatever skin of his I could reach. "Fine by me, because I'm not Kira." "I'm hoping you're not, too," he breathed, "as much as I want to finally catch him."

"L…Even if I was Kira…would it matter to you? Would you still care for me? Just a…just a little bit?"

"Is this a confession, Light-kun?" he smiled. I shook my head slowly. "No, just reassurances. I want to know how much you want me."

"I want you in a million different ways," he breathed, kissing my neck. I didn't respond. "What am I to you?" I whispered. He froze, then ran his fingers through my hair. "Do you want me to say that I love you?" he asked, voice scornful. I flushed, looking at the floor. "No," I lied. "We talked about it before, right? Friends that fuck? Am I a friend? Or a…boyfriend…?"

L's finger traced down my spine. "You want something official then?"  
I gritted my teeth. "Just forget it." If he didn't love me, that was okay, I could pretend he did when we were entwined…yet it still hurt that he didn't love me the way I loved him. Of course, I wasn't sure how much I loved him. I'd grown terribly attached to him.

"Light-kun…I simply cannot ignore something like this that you have just brought up. I can see you've been thinking about this for a while now. Is it possible…that Kira has fallen for the great L?"

"You wish," I tried to snort, getting out of the shower. He pulled me back with the chain. "It's an entertaining idea," he smiled, as I slipped, falling into his arms. I grimaced. I was angry and upset, and with both emotions, tears usually sprang to my eyes. I looked up purposely into the shower to rid myself of them. L kissed my forehead. "Light…It's not in anyone's best interests for me to be infatuated with anyone. The same should go for you."

"I didn't say I loved you," I pointed out, the words cutting me.

"You didn't have to say it," he murmured, kissing the tip of my nose. I felt like such an idiot. I wanted to run from him, never see him again, yet the idea of never seeing him again frightened me. "We've got to work," I told him pointedly, pushing him away. His eyes seemed troubled. When we got to the computers, I made sure there was no way I could possibly work any better or harder. I threw myself into it, determined to find Kira and prove myself innocent so I wouldn't have to stay chained to L any longer. Everyone seemed to notice my determination, but L was the only one who knew why. He knew it was because I wanted to get away from him, because I was hurting from unrequited love. For being rejected.

I felt guilty, watching the way Light ignored breakfast, lunch and then dinner, buried in his work. He'd uncovered a lead that his father was now investigating, as much as I was glad we had something on Kira, a new breakthrough, I was disturbed to know that I also cursed Light's determination. I knew as well as he did that the moment he caught Kira he would be free of me. We would no longer be chained together, nor have any reason for further contact. Of course, with Light's increased attention to the job, it proved that he was not Kira. I was losing reasons to still remain with him, and I knew if Light wanted, he could point this out. The others would agree with him. This chain was something Light had agreed to. If he wanted to get rid of it, he would only have to gain the support of the others. Light's father would only be too happy to get an axe and cut off my arm if I lost the key in an attempt to keep Light with me.  
There was no way to keep him. Light was going to go and I couldn't stop him…unless I admitted to myself that I loved him. There was no way I could do that. I couldn't…No….

Of course, Light filled my head, my dreams. He tasted like honey, smelled like it, his hair the same golden colour. My honey, I wanted to declare. The sweetest thing I had ever tasted.

I sucked on a teaspoon loaded with sugar. It was nowhere near as sweet as Light. My Light. My golden Light who tasted better than anything. Why couldn't I just tell him I loved him? No. He was Kira. I had no doubt about it. He was Kira, he just didn't know it, somehow he had forgotten…He was going to catch himself…unless he had created something to happen before he forgot…a trap, framing someone else….

Was there some way I could frame Light? Put more suspicion on him to make everyone agree with me that he should be chained up longer? It would have to be carefully planned, to ensure he wasn't charged with being Kira, just enough to make the others feel more comfortable with him being chained to me, and not enough for the others to want Light to be under stronger surveillance, like a cell, instead of chained to me. Now, how could I do it?

"Yagami-kun," I called to Light's father. He looked up, inquisitive. "I have some information here that makes me suspect that Kira could possibly be gay. I would make it…seventy-eight percent likely." Just like expected, I saw Matsuda's head jerk up, frowning, staring at Light. I wanted to smile, but I kept my expression plain. "Matsuda, you look as if you have something to say," I pointed out. Everyone looked at Matsuda, who reddened. "No," he said quickly, burying himself into his work. I saw Light glaring at me. "Evidence, huh? Where?"

"If you've noticed, Light-kun, ninety-seven percent of the victims have been men, isn't that evidence enough?" I smiled sweetly. He rolled his eyes, jaw tight, turning back to his computer. I had to provoke Matsuda further. He had to be the one to raise suspicion, if I did it, Light could accuse me of being unfair. "Matsuda, I rather forgot to ask, did you get those folders?" I called. He looked up. "What folders?" he asked nervously. "You said you had returned to get some folders that night," I prompted, thumb pressed to my lips. He flushed, again remembering all the details of that night. "Um…no," he admitted. "I forgot to grab them." "You went back here to get some folders then forgot them?" one of the detectives asked, amused. "How did you manage that?"

"I…I…" Matsuda gave me a helpless look. He was a poor liar anyway. "No reason," I said pointedly, pretending to be flustered. I saw the way Light's jaw was tensed, shaking slightly. I knew he was nervous.

These signs made Mogi curious, as well as Soichiro Yagami, but Light's father wasn't sure he wanted to know. "What is it?" Mogi asked at the same time as Aizawa. I shook my head, pressing my thumb tighter to my lips. "It's nothing," I assured them, arousing their curiosity further. I didn't care about my reputation, my sexual orientation was nothing important to me. Of course, I was willing to let Light interrupt and lie, to save his own ass, after all, he didn't want anyone to know, he knew what I was doing. He knew I didn't want him to go, or at least, perhaps he thought I was doing it to annoy him. I had to admit, annoying Light Yagami was on my list of top ten things to do in my spare time, the only drawback to it was that Light wouldn't sleep with me when I did.

"What night was it?" Mogi asked, a sly smile on his face. "Last week," Matsuda answered. Well, this wasn't what I expected. "What night?" Mogi pressed. "Wednesday," Matsuda told him, ears burning. Matsuda had no idea what Mogi wanted, yet I did. I wondered if I should stop him. The idea of deleting the videos had not occurred to me, I had completely forgotten about the cameras installed in this particular room, where Light had given me oral sex.

Mogi gave a laugh, leaping for the security console, bringing up Wednesday night's film, skipping to when everyone had left. Everyone's eyes were now on the screens presenting different angles of the night. The room was empty except for Light and I. Light was shooting me impatient looks as I worked. I knew what would happen next. Light got off of his chair, and spun mine around so I faced him, his face annoyed with a thrilled look of anticipation. He fell to his knees, undoing my jeans. Mogi had put on the sound, so my voice filled the room. _"Light…You are so demanding."_

"_I know, and I'm demanding sex," _Light replied, in a voice that dared me to argue. I watched as I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes, running my fingers through his hair as he began to suck me.  
I examined the faces of the people in the room. Matsuda was watching, eyes filled with memory, cheeks red, Mogi and Aizawa's mouths hanging open with shock and amusement. Soichiro Yagami's face was hard as he watched his son make love to a man he respected and detested. Finally, I turned to Light. He wasn't staring at the cameras, he was staring down at his lap, tears streaming down his face. I felt shame well up within me. Didn't he understand? I was doing this to make him stay with me. He'd wanted that this morning, hadn't he?

"I'm going to go home," Matsuda murmured, breaking the shocked silence. He gathered up his things and left, eyes filling with tears of embarressment. Soichiro went to the security console and deleted the video. "Light," he said hoarsely. "You're coming home."

"I'm afraid I cannot allow that," I answered coolly. "New evidence suggests that Kira is a homosexual, now that profile matches Light perfectly. I will not allow him out of my sight."

"Forget it, L!" Soichiro bellowed, pointing a finger at me. "I've put up with your bullshit for too long, and now I'm putting a stop to this! I'm not going to let you anywhere near my son!"

"I understand, Yagami-kun, but I'm afraid Light leaving Headquarters is out of the question. I'm positive the others would agree with me. Of course, did the thought of your son sleeping with me to take advantage of me ever cross your mind? He is Kira, it is impossible to deny. All we need is a confession, but I'm sure we will never get one. My theories may appear to be far-fetched to you, but I assure you, I have never been wrong before."  
Soichiro glared at me. "I'll have him chained to me instead then! Or Matsuda! For fuck's sake, Aizawa or Mogi! Anyone but you!"

"I believe Light's opinion is important. Why don't we ask him who he'd prefer to be chained to?"

I was taking a chance here. If he loved me, he would choose me. He had to. Light's tears had stopped, and now his eyes were hard. "Anyone but you, L," he whispered.

My eyes widened, before they became empty. I kept my expression dead, not because I didn't want him to see the pain he caused me, but because that was how I felt. Dead. Empty. He didn't want me. So I had been right. I loved him more. Hadn't he understood me that day?

"_Light, I don't have the patience to care about people, but there are some that I am limitless with. It is up to you where you wish to be. I can't promise myself to someone without a promise in return."_

I'd been so scared of rejection. I hadn't thought it was too cryptic. I was simply telling him that if he promised to love me first, then I'd match it. He hadn't said it, so neither had I, and there was no way I was going to first. I couldn't say it, it was wrong. I wasn't supposed to love Kira. But I did.

I reached into my pocket and produced the key. I unlocked Light's wrist, then slumped in my chair moodily. Soichiro took his son by the shoulder and steered him out of the building, muttering something about Mogi. Mogi, Aizawa, Ukita and Sanami soon quietly left, Watari retreating to his kitchen. I had seriously miscalculated my plan. I had let desperation cloud my judgement, I had acted too soon, had not thought out my plan enough.  
My thoughts turned bitter. Would Light fuck Mogi too? I closed my eyes, filled with pain. I let the chain dangle, not wanting to take it off. He was gone.

I lay in my own bed for the first time in ages. I had dreamed of home so many times, now that I was here, I wanted to be back at Headquarters with L, pretending nothing had happened. Oh, L. Why had he done that? I choked back a sob. I'd never been so ashamed and angry. I hated L to the bottom of my heart, I'd never felt so betrayed. How could he do that? Show everyone, my father of all people, my sexual nature? Something like that was private. It wouldn't have hurt like this had Matsuda revealed it, instead L had betrayed my trust, had provoked the easily manipulated Matsuda and played on everyone's curiousity, had displayed my act of shame on screen. My words echoed painfully in my head. _"I know, and I'm demanding sex."_

I had sounded like such a little whore. A slut. A cock-hungry little...I was sick with myself. I buried my face into my pillow even further, hot tears spilling from my eyes. I had never been so embaressed.


	2. Chapter 2

I heard my phone declare I had a text message. I reached for it, seeing Misa being the sender.

_Light-kun, how about a date on Friday night?_

_All my love and yours forever, Misa Misa_

_xoxo_

I hadn't seen Misa in a long time. She easily annoyed me sometimes, but she wasn't a bad person. Perhaps it was about time I paid her some attention...Wait! How would L react to this? If I began dating Misa for real? She was a poor substitute for the one I truly wanted...but the one I wanted had clearly shown he didn't want me back. I began to text Misa in reply.

_Misa, I look forward to it. _

_How about a nice romantic dinner and a walk through the park?_

_-Light_

Hopefully this would make L jealous. I would make him see what he had given up. What he was missing out on. I had to be careful, as I didn't know how Misa would react if she found out what had happened today. I had no idea if she still kept in contact with anyone from taskforce, the only person I could think of was Matsuda. Maybe I should let her know, with some relevant changes to the story so that if someone tried to tell Misa, she would side with me. I had to plan this carefully. I couldn't let my depression and anger cloud my judgement.

In the morning, Father entered my room and sat on the edge of my bed. "How are you feeling, Light?" he asked. I shrugged and didn't look at him as I sat up, having only just woken up. "I've been speaking to Mogi and the others, and we've agreed that it's best if you don't see L again. Your help isn't really needed on the case."

"No, you need my help," I protested. "Admit it, I have made a lot of progress on the case. Please, I can do this. I agree, that what happened between L and I was a serious mistake. And I know it isn't such a good idea for L and I to spend any time together, but this is the case. I'm no longer chained to him...and I've decided I want to persue Misa instead. I've realised my mistakes and she's willing to date me. She's a really wonderful girl. She's so understanding and easy to talk to. I'm so lucky I found someone like her."

"Oh, well...that's very good then," Father said, forcing a smile, but clearly relieved.

"I've invited her out on a date this Friday," I told him. "I want to treat her as special as she is."

"Light...you know, I'm very proud of you."

"...Thanks...but I'm disgusted at myself."

"It was a mistake. You're still in school. You're allowed to make mistakes, it's a part of life...And experimenting...with your sexuality...is totally normal."

"Trust me, I've had enough of L," I assured him, knowing how uncomfortable he was with this.

"Well...you can start back at taskforce headquarters on Friday. You can go early to go on your date with Misa," Father told me. I nodded. Excellent. This was working just fine.

Working at headquarters was as awkward as I predicted it would be, with everyone being polite to me when not avoiding me. L and I didn't look at each other. Our computers were set at opposite ends of the room, and we had nothing to say to one another. When it came time, I got up and began to pack up my things.  
"Where are you going, Light?" Matsuda asked, noticing. I was sure they all noticed, as all day they had been expecting me to make some kind of reaction. Stomping out of headquarters was one kind of reaction to be expected.

"I've got a date with Misa," I told him, pretending to be sheepish.

"Oh. Are you taking her anywhere special?"

"Well, I'm taking her out for dinner, then I thought we'd go for a walk in the park."

"Sounds kind of romantic," Mogi noted, watching L in the corner of his eye.

"You think?" I asked with a fake nervous laugh. "I want to make it special. I haven't been paying her much attention lately, I want to make it up to her. I was going to get her some roses or something...that wouldn't be too much on a first date, would it?"

"It depends on the colour," a familiar, monotonous voice replied. L padded forward to pick up a document off my desk. "Red might be too strong. White too much of a proposal. Pink is sweet and yellow is friends. So, I would suggest pink, if you want to get her roses."

"Oh, I see," I said stiffly. He showed no sign of jealousy at all. Hadn't he liked me the tiniest bit? I was sure he had. You didn't make love with someone otherwise.

"Goodluck on your date, Light," Matsuda called as I left. I wasn't surprised he was so enthusiastic about the idea. After all, he liked L himself and me out of the picture was just what he wanted.

I stared at my screen, pretending to be working. Instead, my heart had frozen over and my head was spinning. The chain that had connected me to Light was gone from my wrist, but it felt as if it were know choking me, cutting off all the air from my lungs. Light was going on a date with Misa. Had he just pretended to love me so I would make love with him? No matter that we'd called it screwing or fucking, those words were too harsh and could not describe what Light and I had engaged in. I only wanted what was best for Light. I had hurt him with my poorly executed plan to keep him with me. If Misa was what he wanted, I had to help him. I had to make it up to him. I owed him that. I was just sad...that it was her he wanted. He didn't want me anymore. But I wasn't going to fight with him or for him. Light wanted Misa. He would get Misa. I wouldn't stand in his way. Misa had always wanted Light. I wouldn't stop her. And the best thing I could do to help them would be to get over whatever feelings I had for Light.

"Wow, L is really mean," Misa said, amazed, holding my arm as we walked through the park, past a romantic looking fountain. "He blackmailed you into...doing that to him? And Matsuda walked in on you?"  
"Yes, but don't tell anyone, Misa. L apologised, and said it was just a joke. I've forgiven him."  
"Wow, Light," she said, her eyes wide. "You're such a wonderful person. How could you forgive him like that?"  
"Because he made me see how important you are to me." I could see her falling for me. "You see...he blackmailed me...because in my sleep...I talk. And all I ever talked about...was you. He said that if I didn't...you know...he'd tell you and everyone how I felt about you. But I've realised...that there's no need for me to be so scared about telling you how I feel, Misa. Because you're the most wonderful person in the world. You understand me." Her lips were parted, and her chest was heaving as she near audibly gasped for breath, her eyes sparkling with tears of happiness. "Oh, Misa," I said, laying it on as thickly as I could. "I love you."

"Oh, Light," she breathed. I leaned down, disliking the fact she was shorter than me, and brought my lips softly to her own. I hated the feel of her lipgloss. It didn't feel right. It felt slipperly and greasy. Not like L. I forced a smile and stroked her soft cheek. L was my height, if not a little taller when he wasn't walking around with his head bowed over. I didn't like having to bend to kiss someone. It clearly meant that Misa and I weren't made for one another. But of course, she didn't see it that way. She saw me as a protector. Her knight in shining armor...Tall and handsome. She was such a fool, falling for me.

"Light...I love you too," she smiled, hugging my waist tightly. How I missed L's arms doing the same thing. Holding me. Taking me to places no one else could.

Going back to taskforce, I saw Matsuda, Mogi and Aizawa whispering umong themselves.  
"What's going on?" I asked. Matsuda pointed at L. I couldn't pick out anything different about him. "What?"

"Look what he's eating!" Matsuda hissed. I looked over and saw L eating a normal bowl of rice with steamed vegetables. "He didn't put any chocolate or sugar on it! And he hasn't had a single cup of tea today. He's only been drinking orange juice."  
"Maybe he wants to be healthy for once," I shrugged. "It's no big deal."

Matsuda looked unconvinced. "Don't worry about him. He's fine," I reasurred him. "If it gets any worse and he starts drinking non-fat apple juice or something, we'll go talk to Watari, okay?"

"Light, you're here," L said, turning around in his swivel chair. "Can you look over these figures for me? I need your opinion. I think the Yotsuba group is somehow involved with Kira."

"You've stopped suspecting me?" I asked dryly, striding over. I watched as he sipped his orange juice. He had a plate of pineapple slices by his keyboard, and they weren't even crystallized or covered in ridiculous amounts of sugar. Amazing. He must finally be taking care of his health. He handed me the documents in question.

"So, Light, how did your date go?" he asked converstationally.

"It was wonderful. Meaningful, unlike a lot of things in my life," I said, my tongue sharp. He nodded slowly.  
"So, it was successful, then? I was speaking to Misa's manager, and it turns out she really likes getting chocolates. Perhaps you should get her some. I know an excellent store that sells all kinds of chocolates. Did you end up giving her the pink roses?"

"Uh, yeah, I did," I managed, distracted by his apparent eagerness to help me out. Was he going to lull me into a false sense of comfort? Give me different kinds of tips before giving me a false one that would offend her? It was a cunning enough plan. I wouldn't put it past him.

"So? Did she like them?" he asked.

"Huh?"  
"The roses?"  
"Oh, yeah. She really loved them. We're going out to dinner again next Friday, and we're going to see a movie. After that, we'll go out for coffee..."

"You plan all your dates out with such detail?" he asked, seeming to be confused. I pretended to chuckle self-conciously.  
"Well...only with Misa. I don't want to mess things up with her." Was it even worth trying to make L jeaous? He seemed to want nothing more than Misa and I to be together. My heart throbbed painfully. Had I...Did I matter that little to him? Was he glad that I was persuing someone else? He didn't miss me at all? "Uh...L, will you excuse me? I have to use the bathroom," I said hurriedly, ducking off. I made it just in time as the first tears began to pour down my cheeks. After all he done...how could I still want him?

"Are you sure you don't want a slice of cake, L?" Watari asked.  
"No," I said shortly, avoiding his eyes. "I don't care for cake."

"Would you like anything else, then? You need to eat."

"I'll have...a salad sandwhich." Salad was healthy, wasn't it? And bread was good for you, yes? "And can I have some proper orange juice? With real oranges?"  
"Of course, L." Watari left, and I turned back to my computer. I had to be normal. No wonder why Light didn't like me. I was so thin. Pale, like a ghost. I never slept. I had already arranged for medicine to help with my insomnia to be sent here. I couldn't run on artificial intelligence created from sugar. I needed real food. I needed to be normal so Light would like me again. Just a little. He just had to give me one smile. That's all I wanted. One real smile, the kind he would give me when we would lie there, tangled in the sheets, spent.

I was so repulsive...  
Watari entered with the tray of what I had requested and made his leave. He had even put the juice in a tea cup for me. I stirred my juice with a finger. Was it even any use trying to be normal? I could only try, but I knew I never would be. I put my feet flat on the floor and straightened my spine. This would reduce my reasoning skills by fourty percent, but I was sure that I would still be able to catch Kira in the end. With Light's help.

I was so repulsive...how could I even think Light would like me even if I tried to change? With a sweep of my hand I knocked the juice onto the floor, the thin, fragile cup shattering. Was that what my heart looked like now, inside my chest?

I hated L. Hated him. Hated him as much as I loved him.

I broke the kiss with Misa and looked down at her. She smiled happily up at me, her red lipstick smudged. Oh no. That meant it was smudged on my own lips. I touched my lips briefly. What if I turned up at Headquarters like this? Told L that I had forgotten something? He would only need one look to know that I had been kissing Misa. No. There was no point. He didn't care about me. Why continue on trying to make him jealous? I would only be making a fool out of myself. I had to get over him...but my heart wouldn't let me. Instead of how my wrist had once been chained to his, it was now my heart. I couldn't break free.

Over the week, L began to visibly change. Everyday, he went for an hour long walk in the sun, and ate only healthy things. I missed how adorable and childish he had looked with his lollipops. Most noticable was the way he sat, walked and held things. No longer did he sit in the familiar odd crouching position. No longer did he bow slightly when he walked. He walked erect, sat normally in his chair. One morning, it was a shock to even see he'd combed and parted his hair into something normal, instead of the ebony mess I had loved to run my fingers through.

"Wow, L, you've really changed," Matsuda commented one day. L gave a small smile, his eyes meeting mine before his face fell, eyes becoming empty.

"I suppose," L said merely. "Matsuda...I was wondering...this may not be totally appropriate, considering...but...would you like to go out one evening?"

I nearly dropped the laptop and folders I was carrying when I heard this. I stared at L who was looking meekly at his feet, facing Matsuda, whose cheeks had turned a shade of pink. Matsuda ran his fingers through his hair shyly. "Really? You want to?"

"I know it's not really appropriate, seeing as we're colleagues on the Kira case, but I think I should like to engage in more social activity. You're someone I can see myself appreciating spending time with after hours."

"Well, um, sure, L," Matsuda smiled, broadly. "When where you thinking?"

I didn't hang around to find out. I dumped my armload on the nearest desk and rushed to the toilet, forcing myself not to fall apart. Why L?

"Light, are you in here?" someone called, entering the bathroom. I reached forward and locked the stall, sitting on the toilet.  
"What is it, Watari?" I forced out, trying to sound normal and unaffected. The lump in my throat wouldn't go away. My eyes burned with unshed tears.

"Light...I'm worried about L."  
"Why? He seems totally fine. Completely normal."  
"By what definition of normal, Light? He is _not _normal. He is not doing fine. I'm very worried about him."

"Well, I'm not worried," I said through gritted teeth, gripping my chest where my heart was throbbing painfully with every lie I spoke.

"Light..."  
"Please...I don't want to talk about L."  
"Of course."  
I heard him leave, before I burst into tears, wondering when I had become so weak.

"That movie...was...hiliarious!" Matsuda laughed, stumbling through the door. I forced myself to laugh and kept my arm around his waist, supporting him, thought I really was in no position to, as equally intoxicated as we were. "I can't believe I'm still...laughing about it!"

"So, you enjoyed yourself, tonight?" I asked, sitting with him on the couch at taskforce headquarters. Matsuda chuckled as he nodded.  
"It was great, L. I never realised how much fun you were. Mmmhmmn..." His chin fell upon his chest, looking down at his hands, settling down. "Well...I always wanted to get to know you better. I had tons of fun with you."

"I enjoyed myself, also." I had forced myself to. I had asked Matsuda out, hoping he could be a replacement for Light. Light didn't want me, and Matsuda had seen how much I had changed. I had changed for Light, and he still hated me. I wanted to be with someone who wanted me back. "Matsuda," I murmured, reaching forward to lift his chin with a finger. His eyes glimmered with a lust I wanted to see in the eyes of another. I leaned forward and kissed him softly. I had to make myself fall in love with Matsuda. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I had to show Light that I was over him.

Matsuda deepened the kiss, tasting of alcohol. His fingers tightened in my hair. I couldn't help when my arms wrapped around him, and I pushed him over until I was lying on top of him, nuzzling his neck. _Light! Light, I am so sorry! Forgive me! _He moaned beneath me, arching his back to press himself to me. I smiled into his skin. _Oh, Light! _His fingers curled at the hem of my shirt and lifted it up. I pulled it off and brought his hands to my lips, kissing them. _Oh, Light, my golden one. My honey. _I ran my bottom lip along his cheek as he tried to capture my lips with his own, his breathing loud in my ears. _I'm sorry, Light. My love. My golden light. I can't see anything without you. _I remembered how his golden hair would spill over the pillow. His eyes dark honey, liquid and warm, his lips whispering silently to me, telling me things. I kissed those lips, I ran my fingers through his hair and undid the fastenings of his pants, needing him. He sat up and lifted up his shirt. I forgot his pants as my lips travelled the expanse of his beautiful chest. _Oh, Light. Can't you see how much I've missed you? _I kissed, tasted, felt. I rememorized every curve, every line, every angle to the body I loved. _Oh, Light! You're so perfect! Forgive me! Light my way in darkness once again! _I kissed his collarbone, traced his hips with my long spidery fingers, making him shiver. "L, now. Please, now!" His hands attempted to pull down his pants, urging me to touch him. I eagerly obliged. _Anything for you, my love. _I kissed small, butterfly kisses down his chest, down his front, past his navel, down his length and to the tip, making him buck and writhe beneath me. "Oh, L!" _Say my name again. Please, Light. Scream it. _I drew him in, sucking softly before increasing the pressure, feeling him tense up. His breathing filled my ears, loud pants as his fingers tightened in my hair. He was like a coil, but not yet ready to spring. _I never stopped loving you, Light. I don't even remember when I first started. I'm so sorry I never told you. It would have saved us so much of this useless pain. Forgive me?_ He began to twist with more fevour beneath me, until he came, crying out, falling back. I smiled up at him.

My eyes widened.  
"Matsuda," I murmured, in shock.

"Oh, L. You're...amazing," he puffed. His cheeks were flushed. I sat up, stunned, unable to think. He sat up after he caught his breath, and he gave me an odd look. "Can I...return the favour?"

"No...no...I think I'm going to bed," I murmured, still in shock. "Show yourself out whenever you're ready, Matsuda." Like a zombie, I picked up my shirt and made my way up the stairs, wincing on every step as it jolted the sharp little shards of my heart, causing them to pierce the surrounding muscles in my body. _Oh, Light. What am I, without you?_

***************

I'm surprised how much I managed to write for you guys!! I hope you like it! Lots of reviews, please! Just review me, even if it's a single word like "Funk". ^w^ I hope I'm living up to the standard I set with my first installment...did I? Is this any good? Oh god, I'm so nervous, posting this up! I just want to make you guys all happy. Now, I can either make this a big tragic Romeo and Juliet ending, or it can be a whole fairytale ending, now can't it? ^w^ Hope you like it. I couldn't think of any way to end it with a cliff hanger. I just love cliff hangers. It's the only way I can keep you guys coming back for more! I also hope it's easier for you guys to read now, as when I wrote the last bit, I didn't know how to paragraph with speech properly. Hopefully there's not many spelling errors, because I don't have spellcheck. I'm doing the best I can, though. I rather like the bit with L making out with Matsuda, and he's all drunk and heartbroken, and he's imagining he's making love with Light again....it's just so sweet! Kyu! ^w^ So, I'll be expecting a few things from you readers:

1. Reviews! (Please, make me feel all special again! ^^)

2. Ideas for future installments and opinions as to a fairytale or tragic ending. I'm a sucker for writing tragic endings, they always make me cry, but I can see ways in which this one could be a happy ending.

3. Tell all yer friends, yer hear? Just not my friends, they know i'm a yaoi fan, but they don't know I write lemons. Oh, the mortification! lolness.

Over 'n' out!


	3. Chapter 3

I knew something had changed about Matsuda as I entered taskforce headquarters on Monday morning. Despite how expressionless L was, I could see there was something different about him too. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but when he turned around to walk over to the printer, I saw how dead his eyes were. He had given up.

"Matsuda," I said, heading over to him. "How did your date with L go?" I forced myself not to wince with pain as I asked. I had been trying so hard not to think of it.

"It was fun," he mumbled.

"What did you do?" I pressed. Why was he so quiet? Usually he was overly talkative.

"Saw a movie. Had a few drinks."  
Had a few drinks? Sex usually happened after intoxication, didn't it? My hands clenched into fists. I didn't want to know. Without another word, I left, heading over to my desk. It took all my willpower not to scream, cry and throw something heavy. I hated L. I hated him. He was...the most disgusting...most horrible...most despicable...most beautiful man on earth. He had hurt me over and over again. He had known I loved him. He wouldn't say it back, he'd laughed at me, and then he'd shown everybody the video of us mucking around after hours. He'd humiliated me, and I'd come back to taskforce headquarters, hoping somehow...that everything would still be okay. He hadn't even apologised. I'd tried to make him jealous by dating Misa, but I was stupid enough to think he'd even care. Why would he care? Hadn't he shown that video in the first place because he didn't care? I had lied to myself so many times.

"Are you okay, Light?" someone asked quietly. I looked up to see L standing beside me. I hurriedly wiped the stream of tears from my cheeks, mortified. Had I just been crying?

"Go away, L," I hissed, getting up from my desk and stomping to the toilets to wash my face. He was probably laughing now. Having a good old laugh because Light was weak enough to cry at work.

It was quite clear that Light wasn't Kira. Perhaps he had been, but had no memory of it. That had been my theory for a long time now. Why had he been crying? Why did the shards of my heart cut into me so deeply when he had told me to go away? Why was Light upset? Had something happened? I worried. I shuffled over to Chief Yagami and resisted the urge to tug on his sleeve. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"Mr Yagami, may I ask something?"  
"What is it, L?" he asked gruffly. He still hadn't forgiven me.

"Is Light okay? He seems very upset."

"Why wouldn't he be? Ever since you seduced him, he hasn't been the same since! I knew it was a bad idea for him to come back here, but he insisted that he could handle it, that the case was most important."

"I agree, Mr Yagami. Perhaps you should take him home. I will be removing myself from this case as of tomorrow, but you can all still continue to work on the case here. My presence here really isn't needed. I have caused only problems for everyone."

"Damn right you have!" he declared.

"L, why? We need your help! You're the greatest detective in the world," Matsuda cried, stunned. I shook my head. I was, once. But how could I still claim to be, when I couldn't even figure out what was wrong with Light? "Well, where are you going to go?"  
"I was thinking about going to the Arctic, I hear it's the most remote place on earth. I thought I might spend a few years there, an early retirement. Or a really long holiday. I can't really say right now."

And while I was there, I'd shoot myself, where no one would ever find me, for eternity. That fate was what I deserved. Loneliness. My heart was already lonely and encased in ice. Being frozen in the Arctic seemed like a very fitting place to be.

"Light, are you in here?"

"Yeah," I said, turning around, giving my Father a smile. If one didn't look too closely, I resembled normal.

"I'm going to take you home. I think you need a break."

"Oh. Well...I guess I can't argue with that," I mumbled, following him out of the bathroom. Matsuda walked with us to the parking lot.  
"I can't believe he's going to quit, after all he's done on the case," he said, shaking his head.

"Who's quitting?" I asked, my stomach dropping.

"L," Matsuda replied. "He wants to move to the Arctic for a few years, too. I think he's going crazy."

"He was always crazy," my Father laughed, unlocking the car. "Do you recall, Matsuda, when we first met him? How he pretended to shoot us? I didn't believe he was L at first."

"Only L could be that immature," Matsuda snorted.

I stood in silence, in disbelief. L was leaving?

"Watari, would you please prepare for my departure?" I asked, curling my arms around my knees as I sat on a chair on the top of the building, gazing at the gathering clouds. It didn't bother me anymore, that Watari was of the opinion that I was losing my mind. I had lost it a long time ago, as I had lost my heart.

"Are you sure you really want to go to the Arctic, L? You realise you need special documentation, and training?"

"If I can't go there, pick somewhere nice and isolated. With lots of snow and ice. You know, Watari, I've never seen an iceberg before. I should like to."  
"This sounds...like an ending, L."

"It may be," I said softly, bringing my thumbnail to my lips. "I have no obligations to stay."

"L, think about what you're doing," Watari urged me, placing his hand upon my shoulder. I looked up at him, and smiled kindly.

"Watari, please. The world has never needed me. My absence will not cause a stir in any way. I owe you many thanks, Watari. You have raised me, cared for me, protected me, risked your life many times for my own." I stuck out my bottom lip, in a way I had done as a child when I was in disagreement with him. "Often times I have wondered why you would bother. My life is not important, Watari. My existance is not needed, but there are many who need you. I have always needed you, Watari. You are..." I looked away, not knowing how to explain to him how much he had meant to me throughout what would be soon to be called my very short life.

"L, does it not occur to you, that I care for your existance? I do not like hearing you talking about the end of it. You are a son to me. There are others who care for you. Mello. Near. Your passing would be very upsetting for both of them. Would you put them through the pain of loss, which as an orphan yourself, know all too well?"

"We always lose the ones we love the most," I said with another smile. Just I had lost my Light. "It's life, Watari. I believe it's time for me to go to sleep. I haven't been able to sleep in a very long time. It would be nice...to dream..." I knew exactly what I would dream of. I smiled to myself, and touched my chest, where my heart was supposed to be. I would dream of my Light-kun. I would dream that I had told him how I felt. I would dream that none of this had ever happened.  
"You're very set upon this."  
"Yes," I answered simply, still smiling. He pulled out a chocolate bar from his pocket and offered it to me. I took it from him and unwrapped it, tears springing to my eyes. Watari walked away, his shoulders weighed down heavily with the burden of sorrow that I was placing upon him. Had I been a better, more worthwhile person, I wouldn't be so selfish. I would not be hurting Watari like this.

Oh, Light. You will be in my dreams. What is it like, to really dream? I looked up at the sky from my familiar perch on my chair. I have never slept a full night's sleep. I have never dreamed. The only things I have experienced...cannot be called dreams. They are nightmares. Memories of things I would rather forget. I want to dream. And I want to dream...only of you, Light.

"You're leaving," Light's voice panted. I closed my eyes and smiled, filled with pain and longing. The way he would gasp for breath as we made love...that was one memory I would cherish.  
"I have to," I answered aloud. "I have to sleep."

"Stay."

"No. I want to sleep. I want to dream."

"Please, stay with me." I chuckled to myself. Oh, Light. How often would your quirks make me laugh? Imagining his voice like this...I had captured him perfectly.

"I will always be with you," I whispered, smiling. "You will always be with me. In my dreams. I believe, when we die, we dream forever."

"Dreams aren't real," Light declared. "Are you even listening to me?" I felt two cold hands place themselves upon my shoulders. My eyes snapped open. Light stood in front of me, his eyes golden and scorching me. "I ran all the way up the stairs to tell you to stay," he growled. "I'm sick of you, L. Don't make me feel guilty, too. I don't want you going off and killing yourself. Is this some stupid, sick death wish? If you want to die so badly, then here!" His fingers dug into my shoulders as he wrenched me to my feet and pushed me, sending me sprawling to the edge of the building. "Die, you pathetic waste!" he shouted, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt and forcing me against the cement barrier. My upper half hung over, in danger of losing my balance. I didn't care. This wasn't as romantic as dying encased in ice and snow, but perhaps this was better, dying at Light's hands. "Why did you do it?" he cried. "Humiliate me, every time? You slept with Matsuda! You pushed me away! I love you, L! I can't stop!"

"Light," I whispered, his words making me tremble. Tears streamed down his face, which was contorted in misery and anger.  
"Why did you hurt me? Why won't you love me?" he asked, desolate. I saw how lonely he felt. He had been just like me. I looked up at the sky, in wonder. He still loved me? He wanted me to love him, after everything I had done to him? Was he mad? Was I mad?

"You know, Light," I smiled, eyes filling with tears, "I never stopped loving you. And I never meant to hurt you the way I did. That's why I'm leaving. You deserve to be happy. How can you be happy with me around?"

"You don't have to kill yourself just to be able to leave me alone!"

"I wanted to dream. I would dream of you."

"Why would you dream?" he sobbed, rain beginning to pour down from the sky. "Why wouldn't you just tell me you loved me? You could have me, every bit of me, for real! You could have told me you loved me, and you wouldn't have to mean it, and I would still be all yours, forever! I just wanted you to tell me that! I just wanted to hear those words from you! I just wanted you to say you loved me! You didn't have to mean it! I could pretend you meant it."

"You would never have to pretend," I told him hoarsely. "Because I would mean every word. I _do _love you, Light. I was just too scared to tell you. I was so scared. I didn't think you could love me as much as I loved you. Can you forgive me for that? For everything I've done to you?" I reached up to caress his cheek, brushing his wet bangs out of the way. "I'm lost without you, Light. You are the one who lights up my world. I can't see without you...my love."

He trembled and pulled me back, causing us to slip in the rain and fall upon the cement tiles of the rooftop.  
"Say it again," he wept, eyes pooling. I kissed his eyes, kissed away those tears.  
"I love you, Light," I said, smiling, brushing back his bangs again, the better to see him. He gasped and gave forth to a fresh wave of tears. "I love you, I will love you forever and ever," I promised, kissing his forehead. Rain dripped from my soaked hair onto him. "I should have told you."

"L...I love you," he croaked, his hands curling in my hair. He drew me down for a kiss.

********

A happy ending....? Hahaha, only of the chapter, my wonderful readers!

We have yet to discover Matsuda's reaction when his heart is broken. Will he snap and want revenge?

We have yet to discover what Light's father thinks. Will he do something he'll regret?

Will the new lead on the Yotsuba corporation bring in the Death Note back into play, as it did in the series?? If Kira comes back, what will his reaction to his feelings towards L be?

What will happen when Misa finds out Light lied to her about his and L's relationship, and used her? If she gets her hands back on another Death Note, what hell could she unleash in revenge?

There are four links here that could lead to someones death. Whose name will be written next? Can L and Light survive the next blow? (and I don't mean 'job'!)

Wow. I can't believe I made a few people cry when L thought of Light when he was with Matsuda. ^.^ Nearly made me cry to write it, to be honest. Especially the ending of this chapter. For a while, I seriously considered just getting Light to push L over the side of the building and they could fall romantically to their deaths. Light could even give a cheesy line like "L, I'm falling for you." Lawl. And then, I wasn't going to have Light run up the stairs after L. I was going to let L fly off to the sunset. But then if he did, I had no idea other than Light killing himself for the story to be resolved.  
And plus, you all want a happy ending. No one is a sucker for tragic endings ^^ Well...I don't even know what's going to happen yet! I haven't written it! I'm a day behind on my updating, oh the noes! I want to make it a happy ending for you all, but how can I? It's just way too easy to kill everyone now! Hahahaha! So, does anyone object to a little make-up yaoi to spice up the beginning of the next chapter? From these reviews, I don't think anyone will mind! I've never written lemons before, but sounds like I'm a natural! Hehehehe! Certainly a skill to be proud of, during a job interview.

"So, have you got any special skills?"  
"Oh, I'm good at writing lemons."  
"Writing lemons?"  
"You know, yaoi?"  
"Huh?"  
"I'm good at writing these smexy sex scenes between two horny guys who are in love. (sorry, a "serious and meaningful scene in which two males exchange bodily fluids in a very heated fashion.") So...do I get the job?"

Lawl!

And, sounds like a lot of you aren't happy with Matsuda. He's one of my favourite characters, but right now, in my little fic here, he's as annoying as Misa! Hey! I have an idea! What if they team up!? DUN DUN DUN!!!

Well, until the next update, my FRIENDS OF THE FUNK!

Oh, and P.S., I hope the length of this one is a little better. I could hoard up all I write, but I want to give it all to you ASAP, which means little bits at a time. So, I want an opinion!

SHOULD I...

a) write my average 2000+ little bits to give to you every night

or

b) give me a week to write 10 000+ or so words?


	4. Chapter 4

"L."

The name, spoken in a voice that held the amount of hurt I had been carrying within me for so long now.

"Light."  
My Father's voice, full of disbelief and an underlying fury.  
I looked over at the entrance to the rooftop, where Watari, Matsuda and my Father stood, looking back at L and I in the rain. Was Matsuda...crying? He spun on his heel and left quickly. Yes. Matsuda had been crying. I felt sorry for him, but L was far more important to me.

"L, get off of Light, right now," my Father barked, his hands clenched into shaking fists. L slowly eased himself off of me and helped me to my feet. I shivered, as L's warmth left me and I had to deal with the freezing reality of the rain soaking me to the skin.

"Light, get in the car. I want a word with you, L," my Father ordered, nostrils flared as he breathed heavily.

"Father, I don't-" I began.

"I want to speak with you also, Chief Yagami," L interrupted, taking my hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "Go, Light. I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you." I studied him closely, and he gave me a small smile. I would see him again. It was a promise, and he wouldn't break it. I bowed my head to look at my feet as I passed Father, his eyes full of fury that scorched me with an indirect gaze.

"Watari, please escort Light to Mr Yagami's car," L said, a vision of calm. I hesitated, turning back to see Watari looking distrustfully at my Father. "Watari, please," L repeated, nodding to reassure us both. Watari nodded back and placed a hand upon my shoulder, steering me onwards, down the small flight of stairs and into the elevator which would take us the rest of the way down.

"Will they be okay?" I asked Watari, holding myself. He shrugged out of his jacket and held it out to me. I took it gratefully and put it on. The warmth was delicious after the freezing cold of the rain.

"They should be fine," Watari said, not sounding too convinced. "You know your Father better than I do, Light. I know that L will not purposely provoke him in any way."

"My Father...I haven't ever seen him that angry before."

"Yes. He is not in a mood to talk rationally," Watari acknowledged. "That was why I did not wish to leave him alone with L. But L is not defenceless should your father become violent, which I doubt will even occur. He is quite skilled, so I would not worry."

"You could do a better job of convincing me if you didn't look so worried yourself," I pointed out, noticing the way he fidgeted with his watch and twitched his moustache. The corners of his lips lifted up slightly in amusement for a moment. He escorted me to the car, and waited with me until my Father arrived. Matsuda was nowhere to be seen, so perhaps he had gone straight home. Without a word, or a look at Watari, Father arrived, climbed into the car and began to drive off. I sat there in silence for a while, not wanting to infuriate him. Finally, I had to speak.  
"I love him."

His fingers tightened around the steering wheel and he shot me a furious look. "No, you don't, Light. How can you, after all that he's done to you?"

"Because he loves me."

"Don't be stupid, Light," he snapped. "I'm not letting him go near you. He's used you, Light, just like he's used Matsuda. He's just a..."  
"A what?" I asked, with a cool chuckle, staring out of the window, running my fingers through my hair. "What were you going to say? A filthy faggot? A fucking fairy?"  
"You watch your mouth," he barked, fuming. "That's _not _what I was going to say."

"You may as well," I muttered bitterly. "I'm just like him. I'm just another little queer. That's why you don't want me with him."

"That's not why, Light," he said, voice shaking with stress. He pulled the car over and stared forward, never glancing at me. "You should _know _why. You're the one he used, Light. You're the one he humiliated in front of taskforce. You shouldn't even be forgiving him. You say you love him Light, but you'll love many more people. What L says he feels for you...it can't be love, Light. If he loved you like he says he does, he wouldn't have done that to you. Wouldn't have put you in such a compromising position. And used Matsuda like that. It doesn't take much of a genius to know how Matsuda feels about L. L took him out on a date and even you know how that ended up, Matsuda is easier to read than a book. So now, L is hurting Matsuda, claiming he loves you. To me, he is a filthy little...faggot, as you say. _You, _on the other hand, are a decent, caring, normal person. Being gay has nothing to do with it. You're letting your feelings interfere. L just thinks you're beautiful, as does everyone. When he hurt you like that, it obviously meant he didn't love you and he went to Matsuda to warm up a bed on a cold night. And then when you come back, declaring that you still love L, L ditches Matsuda for you. Using you both like bits of meat that he can...Light. Please. L is the filthiest of the filth. The scum of the earth." He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"I can understand how you can see it that way," I said quietly. "But you've got it completely wrong, it was just a misunderstanding. L can't help it if Matsuda's infatuated with him. L thought I was over him completely, which was why he dated Matsuda. But I wasn't, and L wasn't over me. Believe me...he loves me. And I love him. How else can you explain L's weird behaviour lately? Wanting to move to the Arctic? Sitting up straight? Eating healthy and going for walks in the sun?"

"Light...this wasn't a misunderstanding," my Father said, forcing himself to be gentle. "Please. You're too young yet, give it some time. I'm just trying to stop you from getting hurt again."

I knew he was right. I also knew what he wasn't saying. That I probably wouldn't be so unscathed if I was ever hurt like that again. I had survived this time...but if I ever saw hurt like that once more...I would not be able to continue. I would have no hope left. I would push L off of that building and never forgive him.

"Let's just go home," I said quietly, slumping in my seat and running my fingers through my hair, shaking out the droplets. "I'm tired of arguing."  
"You're so wet, you might catch a cold," he agreed, shoulders sagging, the lines around his eyes becoming more pronounced. I had never seen him ever look so old before. So weary.

When we got home, I promptly put on some dry clothes and crawled into bed, pulling the doona over myself. My phone vibrated underneath my pillow where I had stashed it, hoping the rain hadn't done any damage. I opened the incoming text and read, my heart thumping loudly in my ears.

_Light, Matsuda told me the truth._

I checked the ID. Misa. I stifled a groan. She was probably furious, or depressed, as Matsuda was. I quickly texted back, wondering what I could possibly say to make things better.

_I'm sorry, Misa. _

_I should have told you the truth._

It wasn't long until I received a reply.

_How could you use me like that, you jerk?_

It was so easy, Misa. You were just so easy to manipulate.

But I wouldn't tell her that. Sure enough, I was sorry that she was hurt, but in the end, I had L and that was all that really mattered.

***

"Watari, please, that hurts," I complained, wincing and holding up my hands to fend him off. He continued to try to press the bag of frozen peas to my swollen jaw where Chief Yagami had punched me. I deserved it. I had told him that. Told both Chief Yagami and Watari that I deserved every inch of pain bestowed upon me, because it would never be enough to equal that which I had put Light through. I would never forgive myself for that.

I smiled, and winced at the throb it sent. I closed my eyes and leaned back into the arm chair. It felt good to be out of my wet clothes and into nice warm ones that Watari had put through the dryer. It felt good to have my heart so full of happiness that Light had forgiven me and had understood that it had all been a tragic mistake. I had never meant to hurt him.

I felt so renewed. How could I be so lucky?

"You should talk to Matsuda, and apologise," Watari told me, checking my jaw before reapplying the frozen peas. "He was very upset."

My happy mood began to ebb. "I'm very sorry things didn't work out so well for him. I never intended to hurt anyone."  
Watari reached into his pocket and produced a phone. "You make a call to Matsuda while I get you some cake," he said firmly, striding to the kitchen. His little way of giving me some privacy. I dialled in the number and put the phone to my ear, listening to the dull ringing, mind racing with different answers.

"Hello?" Matsuda answered, his voice shaking.

"Matsuda, this is L."

"Oh," he replied. I got the impression he wanted to just promptly hang up on me, but that was against Matsuda's respectful, gentle nature. He would never be so rude as to do so, even to someone who had torn his heart out. I marvelled at how quickly Matsuda gave his heart to someone and how quick and easy it had been to break it, even if it was unintentional.

"Yes. I wanted to apologise to you. Perhaps you would appreciate such a thing if I said it face to face, but this could be a token gesture until I see you again."  
"Is this L?" a familiar, female voice barked into the phone.  
"Misa?"  
"Yes," Misa said, anger in her feminine, high-pitched voice. "What do you think you're doing, calling Matsuda like this? Just leave him alone."

"I was calling to apologise."  
"There's nothing you can say to make it all better, you creep!"

Creep? That was all she could bring herself to call me? I had been called that many times in my life. Mostly by her. But before I could say anything, she had hung up on me. I frowned at the phone before holding it out for Watari who wheeled a cart into the research centre, loaded with chocolate cake and various other treats.

"Misa Amane took the phone from Matsuda and told me quite bluntly to leave Matsuda alone," I told him, reaching for a truffle, trying not to smile. Light and I were together. Everything was better again. Not even Matsuda or Misa could ruin my happiness. Watari looked incredibly weary. "What is it?" I asked.

"It's quite a hole you've dug yourself into, isn't it?" he sighed, pouring me some tea. "Miss Amane, Matsuda and Mr Yagami are all unhappy with you. We need Mr Yagami's cooperation on this case, so it is unwise to provoke him, so asking to be in Light's company is rather asking for trouble, don't you think?"

"Why can't things be simple?" I lamented, closing my eyes and sinking further into the chair.

"I can't recall at any time when someone has ever said life was simple," Watari told me with a small smile, before leaving. I sat there, bringing my thumb to my lips, deep in thought.

It was strange how aware I felt. Maybe the rain had woken me up, because it felt like I had been asleep ever since Light's wrist had been unchained from mine. The world was in colour once again.

***

"Light! Light!" Sayu sang in my ear.  
"Mmph."  
"Come on, sleepy head. We're having pancakes."

"G'way."

"Dad said to let you sleep in."

Sleep in? Father...? My eyes shot open and I rubbed them hurriedly, looking at the clock beside my bed. He would have left for work hours ago. He didn't take me with him. He didn't want me to see L.

"Good morning," Sayu smiled, amused, hands on her hips, standing over my bed. "You know, I just realised that if I let you sleep in, that means there's more pancakes for me. So, why don't you go back to sleep?"

That sounded good, but there was no way I could. It had taken me hours to get to sleep, my mind constantly going over every minute I had been with L on that rooftop. I felt so light, so unburdened. I had never fully realised how heavy a burden sadness was.  
"I'm not having any pancakes," I told her, throwing the blankets up and getting out of bed.

"Why not?"  
"I've got to get to work."

"But Dad said..."  
"What did he say?" I asked sharply.

"He said he didn't need you anymore. That the case has a breakthrough and they don't need your help."

***

It was a torture to be here. To be in this place without Light. I could not help but feel frustrated at Mr Yagami for not bringing Light here, the reasons of which I knew and understood. Did this mean that Light was not coming back here with his father's permission? Would I have to arrange things around Mr Yagami so that I could see Light? I feared that if I went without seeing Light for too long, I would freeze over and become an empty shell again. I felt like what I imagined a newborn plant would feel like. Beginning to bloom into a beautiful world, but too weak and small that I could be easily trampled upon and crushed back into the dark cold earth, hidden away from the sun again. Before I had met Light, perhaps I had foolishly thought of myself as strong and large as a full grown tree, thinking I had seen all of the world, but after meeting Light, I realised I had yet to be born.

"Uh...L?"  
I blinked, realising Mogi had been trying to get my attention. "Yes, Mogi?"

"You were explaining about the Yotsuba group and you just trailed off..."  
"Oh, of course. I just got lost in thinking about trees."  
"Uh...Trees?" I could see his confusion which was mirrored on the faces of all the other detectives who were gathered around my desk. I could understand. One moment I had been talking about a group suspected of protecting Kira, the next moment I was thinking about trees. I smiled to myself.  
"Yes. As I was saying, I was up all night researching the case, and I came up with a lead on the Yotsuba group. A lot of the Kira killings are benefiting this particular company, and after looking into it, it seems that the higher ups in the company have secret meetings at the end of the week. After studying the times of death, the victims all seemed to turn up dead on the weekends...Just after the secret meetings held the day before on the Friday."

"This is a huge lead," Aizawa exclaimed. "We should investigate those secret meetings. Infiltrate!"

I was expecting an excited, unplanned and irrationalised opinion from Matsuda, but none was forthcoming. He hadn't come to work today. I had never fully realised the influence Matsuda had within taskforce. His absence was quite noticeable, the building quiet and slightly empty without him. I was mildly upset that I had affected Matsuda like this, but had I known that there had been the slightest chance that Light could have forgiven me, I could have waited. I wouldn't have tried to change, get on with my life, and even in that attempt I had failed. It always seemed...that there were things that were trying to prevent me from being with Light.

"Chief Yagami, I also have to speak with you about letting your son continue with the case," I said, holding up a hand to silence him as his mouth opened angrily. "If I thought I could solve this case on my own, I would take the option of not involving him without a second thought. I assure you this is not some ploy to reunite us against your will, but a serious decision we need to make. Kira needs to be captured, and your son has been my only suspect-"

"You bastard, you put cameras in my house and _watched _us! You watched _him_!" The other taskforce members grouped around him cautiously, ready to act in case he resorted to violence.  
"Mr Yagami, I am well aware of your suspicions, but I assure you that they are unfounded and untrue. Your son has been working on the case for a period of time now, and it would be foolish and a setback if he did not continue to do so. If it satisfies you, he may be under your watch the whole time he is present here, which I know you would insist upon anyway. I cannot stress this upon you, Mr Yagami, that your son is talented and as such, _must _be a part of taskforce. I cannot do all the work alone. I am only one man, Mr Yagami. Light thinks differently from me, so he will ensure there is no error in my judgements and actions. We are so much closer to capturing Kira, will you throw that all away for your own wants?"

Chief Yagami was silent for a long moment, as he visibly calmed himself down. "You _swear _that this is for the case and for no other reason?"

"I am positive that any of the other task members including yourself would have come to the same conclusion, to involve Light in this case. He already knows too much, so it would be pointless not to involve him. We have much to gain and much to lose, Mr Yagami."

"You...He can work here. But I'll be working right beside him and I want you to distance yourself from him as much as possible," Chief Yagami said, eyes sharp behind his glasses. "Would you give up your relationship with him for this case?"

Essentially, he was asking me which was more important. Catching Kira...or Light.

"Mr Yagami...would you give up your son for the Kira case?" I asked slowly back, meeting his gaze. I could see the turmoil there as he pondered the question, and we both came to the same conclusion. We would fall apart if we ever had to make that choice and we would do anything to avoid it. What was worse, was thinking of how Light used to be my primary suspect. What if he was Kira? What then? What could I do? Could I bring myself to execute him...? The man whom I loved? The man who was my everything?  
No. I wouldn't ever let that become the situation. I would do anything to sever any connection between Kira and Light.

***

I was happy working with L once more, seeing him happy and content, even if we were restricted by the glares from my father. I doubted he could ever see what I saw in L. There was no way I was allowing myself to be controlled by my father. I was a college student, an adult, and I was at an age where I was able to make my own choices, like moving out. I couldn't let Father control me, I had to make my own choices and make my own mistakes. That was why, after the third day of tracing Yotsuba, I put my foot down and told him that I was going to stay behind and work extra hours, that I wasn't going home with him. I stood firm in my resolve, there was no way I was letting him drag me home. That I was staying here, for good.

"Light, you're far too young to be making these kind of decisions," Father ground out, eyes glinting angrily behind his glasses.  
"I'm an adult, I've finished school and I'm ready to lead my own life. I've got to make my own mistakes," I told him firmly. "I've decided I want to move in with L. I understand exactly why you're against it, but I've made up my mind. I don't want this to come between us, Dad. Even if you think I'm making the wrong choice, I want you to support me."

"And pick up the pieces once he's ripped your heart out again?" he snapped. "Light, I thought you were smarter than this! You have no future with L, you don't need him at all. One day, you'll meet an incredibly wonderful person whom you'll _really _love and _really _loves you in return. L isn't that person."

"He is," I said quietly, tightening my jaw. "L is special to me. We think alike, there is no one else like him."

"I can't...I can't accept this," Father forced out, closing his eyes. "Light, you really need to think this through. Come home with me tonight, and give it a week or so and see if you still feel like leaving. I know I can't keep you at home, that you're an adult now, but I'm still your father and I just want to protect you in every way possible."

"Dad...there's nothing you can do," I murmured, giving him a kind smile. "I've made up my mind."

I had never really stood up to him before, certainly not like this. I could see that he was giving in, and even though it hurt to do it, I pushed him further until I had my way. That night, L curled his arms around me and smothered my neck and face in kisses, holding me tight for the first time since the day our hearts had separated and the moment we had come back together.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear.

***

I kissed him gently, savouring the taste of him as I sucked on his bottom lip and tentatively brushed his tongue with my own. I was almost scared to close my eyes in case Light would disappear and be replaced by Matsuda once more.  
Light pulled me atop him, fingers teasing the hair at the back of my neck as he wrapped a leg around my waist. "I've waited too long for you," he breathed in my ear. "Make me yours."

I muffled a gasp by biting into his shoulder, feeling shock waves of arousing electricity and tremors of delight traverse through my body. I felt ashamed that I had sunk my teeth into him, scared that I'd hurt him even though he was moaning into my ear, and licked the red teeth marks until they'd disappeared, not liking any marks upon his golden and beautiful body. He was the sweet colour of honey, his skin tasted as warm and delightful, and I even suspected his hair had a similar wonderful taste. He didn't taste quite like honey, no, I imagined if golden sunlight could be bottled and had a flavour of its own, Light would taste like that sunshine. Of summer days and long tan grass, of clouds drifting lazily past and all the things I never took the time to appreciate. They didn't seem so special compared to Light.

"L...I want to give you everything that I am," he whispered, eyes wide and beginning to pool with tears. "I'm just scared...that you'd break me again."  
"I'll never forgive myself for what I've done. I don't deserve to have you, and if you want me, I'm all yours. I broke your heart, but mine was shattered, too. I couldn't bear it if we parted again, Light. I've never loved anyone as I love you. Every other love pales in comparison. You are my everything."

"L, when I first began to work on the case with you, when we were first handcuffed together...I thought you were annoying and I didn't like you at all."

"Is that so?" I smiled, nipping his lips. "I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on. You were my forbidden fruit, everything I ever wanted but also my main suspect, which was why it took me so long to realise...to tell you that I love you more than anything. I've fallen for you."

"You _almost _fell because of me. I was going to kill you. I was going to push you off of the edge and I could lie to myself and tell myself you never existed."

"But you didn't."

"I knew that if I killed you, I was basically committing suicide and I didn't want to give you the satisfaction. But you told me you loved me and I knew you meant it."

"I always mean it," I smiled, kissing him. "And I want to give you a gift. A present for letting me keep you when I don't deserve someone so wonderful as you."  
"You don't need to give me anything," he flushed. I smiled and put my lips to his ear.

"Of course I do. I need to make up for all the hurt I've put you through and I'm scared that I never will."

"You don't need to give me anything, just your undying love."

"You've got that. And Lawliet."  
"Lawliet? What's Lawliet?" he questioned, confused. I smiled and sucked on his earlobe, extracting a gasp from him.  
"Lawliet. L Lawliet. That's my true name."

***

I stared up at him, my hands frozen on his back. He smiled down at me and kissed my lips gently. "Lawliet?" I questioned, trying out the name on my tongue. "Your name is Lawliet?"

"Yes. I'm telling you my name because I love you and I want to prove it."  
"I'll keep your name safe," I promised, as he placed his hand over my pounding heart.  
"Thank you," he whispered, kissing the tip of my nose. I felt almost guilty that he had told me his real name. As if I'd somehow blackmailed him without meaning to. I almost preferred not to know his real name, it was a huge responsibility. I loved him and I would do whatever I could to keep the name secret...I just didn't feel worthy enough to know the beautiful name of Lawliet.

"Would you do something for me, Light?" His eyes gazed into mine, searching for something only he could name. I nodded, feeling my mouth go dry. What could he want? What could I possibly give him?

"Would you promise...to stay with me forever? I want you to travel the world with me and work with me as my equal under the title of 'L'."

"That's...That's..."

"I know I'm asking a lot. I know the future can always change, but I know that I can't live if you're not in it with me."

"Of course I'll stay with you forever! But I'm not even a qualified detective, I'd be no use to you as a partner on your future cases."

"You've helped the police already on several cases before you'd even left high school. You're more capable then a lot of the men on taskforce. You're incredibly talented, Light, you have no official qualifications, but compared to Matsuda who is an official detective, you are by far a better candidate."  
"Don't talk about Matsuda," I winced, putting a finger to his lips. "I don't think I can forgive you just yet for sleeping with him."  
"I deluded myself into thinking it was you at the time," he guiltily admitted, stroking my cheek. "I felt terrible for Matsuda, because he could never fill the void."

"I want to be your only," I told him, covering my ears so I wouldn't be able to hear any more of Matsuda. L smiled and kissed my forehead, waiting patiently until I would listen to him again.

"Light, right now, I want nothing more than to make love to you, but I'd be just as content holding you until we both fell asleep. I admit, I'm a tragic romantic."

I flushed and kissed his cheek. "We've got all the time in the world, Lawliet."

"I love it when you saw my name," he breathed, closing his eyes and savouring the sound. I put my lips close to his ear and repeated his name as I stroked his hair, feeling him tremble. He smiled and pressed a tight kiss to my lips, before rolling onto his side and pulling me into his arm chest. "Fall asleep with me?"  
"But you don't sleep," I pointed out, tracing the shadows under his eyes with a finger. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I sleep occasionally. I would probably work better in the morning after a night of rest. I want your full attention on it also, so you must get your sleep."

"Yotsuba can wait," I groaned, kissing his collarbone. "I just want a day alone with you, no one else. With no worries or responsibilities."

"As soon as we catch Kira, that's exactly what we'll do," he promised. He stroked my cheek until my eyes became heavy and began to droop despite how hard I tried to stay awake and admire his beautiful face a while longer. But before I fell asleep, I buried my face further into his chest and inhaled his scent, making my heart throb with emotion. I had come so close to losing him forever. What if I'd never been there that day to stop him from leaving? What if I'd gotten in the car and gone home? Would L even be alive right now?

***

"Stay on him," I told L, heart pounding with excitement. L rolled his eyes at me, and I couldn't help but flush. I'd never known L could fly a helicopter and it made me wonder what other magical talents my beloved had. I would have to ask him tonight. Or perhaps some other time, as tonight we could be celebrating the capture of Kira.

Higuchi of the Yotsuba Corporation raced in his red sports car below us, driving into a blockade. I gripped my seat belt tightly, as the operation went down without a hitch, my father striding forwards to rummage through the car. He held up a black notebook, when he gave out a strangled scream, falling to the ground. I watched in surprise as the other officers also began to fear something as they touched the notebook.

"What's going on?" I murmured, furrowing my brows in confusion.

"Bring the notebook here," L ordered. When his fingers touched the cover, he looked over to where the others were all staring. "How strange. A shinigami." I snatched the book from him, wanting to see for myself, but as I held it, I felt a searing pain within me. I began to scream, not from fear of what I was supposed to be seeing, but at the unlocking of my memories. I was Kira! I'd done this! I'd framed Higuchi long ago, when I'd put myself into solitary confinement! I'd known L would ask me to help on the case and I knew that my innocent self would want to capture Kira so I'd be persistent in trying to join the taskforce. And L! L had fallen in love with me! And I, just like I had predicted, had fallen in love with him. That was in my nature. My innocent self would be attracted to the famous and intelligent detective. And even if I had not formed such a close relationship like that, I was sure I would have become his closest friend.

"Light?" L questioned. I turned to look at him, trying not to smirk. I had won. I had beaten L! I had gotten his name myself, as I'd hoped to. Nothing was standing in my way!

First, I would kill Higuchi, and then I would smite L Lawliet.

********

Christmas is soon approaching, so consider this to be your early Christmas present! Especially for all you DeathNoteDreaming readers, as I might not be able to get a chapter up for you in time! DeathNoteChain had taken a backseat to DeathNoteDreaming, and I thought it had been way too long for all you wonderful people awaiting an update for Chain. And fear not! This is not the last chapter! There is more to come (just not before Christmas, is all ^w^ )!

When I first started writing Chain, I had no idea how I'd resolve it, end the story. I was just going to have L go kill himself and then Light do something stupid and move on or something, but that would've been a crappy story. I came up with the thought of Innocent Light verse Kira Light. Because Innocent Light would be so cute and in awe of L's awesomeness that he'd fall in love, and Kira Light isn't stupid enough to let his feelings get involved. If Kira Light knew himself well enough, he'd know that his innocent self would get attached to L, as L is the greatest detective in the world, ect. But anyway! On to everyone's (okay, just mine) favourite segment!

DUN...DUN...DUN!!! AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!!

1. Was it a huge shock for you to have Light regain his memories and learn that he'd made himself fall in love with L?

2. Overall opinion of the chapter?  
3. Anything I can improve upon, anything or anyone you'd wish to see in a future update, ect? You could probably tell from this update that I'm a very impatient writer. I just like to skip the boring bits and go straight to the plotline XD

So, that's it, and if you've ever wondered why I've titled my two fics such boring names as 'DeathNoteChain" and "DeathNoteDreaming", check out my profile page where I've provided some explanations for those that are curious. It's just that I really hate the names but there was a reason behind them. I wish I'd been more creative. My favourite title for my fanfics so far has been my Code Geass fic "Code of Consolation". I thought that was clever ^w^ Oh, and for those of you who watch DNAngel, I have a new short fic coming out, titled "Deepest Darkest Secret" which is a clever ploy on Dark's name and the fact he's Diasuke's little secret. Not that I mean to brag. I may also be uploading a short Harry Potter fic, between George and Fred Weasley. Twincest? Always. So, if you want to see these fics in the future, add me to your Author subscription thing to make sure that you get to read (and review) them as soon as they are uploaded!

And that's a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! And happy Xmen Christmas for those of you who have seen IDEK.


	5. Chapter 5

_POV: Light_

"Higuchi...is dead," Watari said, barely audible in his disbelief.

Come now, Watari, how could you not expect this? You're dealing with Kira, anything is possible, and having him die of a heart attack within minutes of being caught is nothing surprising, is it? You should be disappointed that you've lost a suspect and concerned that you're fucking next, you old senile fool.  
L flipped through the Death Note forwards and backwards, searching for Higuchi's name, but he wouldn't find it there. I had kept a piece of the Death Note with me, hidden in my watch. Higuchi should be honoured...I'd written his name in my own blood, the blood of Kira, the Saviour.

And now to write _his _name. L Lawliet. I hesitated.

Did I hesitate because I expected myself to? I'd known I'd get attached to him, and I knew that I would suffer his loss somewhat, but I had prepared myself. I knew it had to be done. I hat to kill L, for the sake of the world. For my ideal justice. I _was _the world's one and true god. I had given up my soul for this power, and I had to give up my heart's desires if I wanted to continue my work. I'd _known_ I'd have to kill him, after falling in love with him. I just hadn't conceived how powerful an emotion love was. My very body, my every individual cell loved the man who sat baffled beside me, eyes slowly registering something with horror. When his eyes turned to me, he knew. He knew that he was my love and my enemy. I had to destroy him...even if it meant destroying a large part of myself. Surely time would heal me. I could survive his loss.

I had given up my soul already for the world...and I was going to give up my heart. Was it so selfish of me...to have one more night with him? I knew it was dangerous. I knew that I shouldn't delay killing him, but I wanted him to know...that I really did love him and I was sorry for what I had to do.

"Let's...go back to Taskforce Headquarters," L said quietly, turning back to the controls. I almost smiled. I couldn't kill him if we were in the air, as I couldn't take the controls and fly myself. I looked out at the stars in the sky, that shone over the stars of the city, the lights of tall buildings, the pinpricks of streetlights, the moving streaks of light from cars...The city was probably more impressive and beautiful than the night sky. I wondered if L would agree.

***

_POV: L_

I felt like I had lost Light all over again. This wasn't Light who sat beside me, but a monster. A killer. A delusional young man drunk on his own power. It hurt even more that I knew there was still a heart within him, which was the only reason I was still alive. Light really did love me, I knew that, but his love wouldn't last long. He would have to kill me, but I wasn't sure that I even had the strength to stand in his way anymore.

What was that old saying? As good as dead? Yes. That was me. I really was as good as dead. In fact, the moment Light had touched the notebook, I had died. With the power back in Light's possession, I was now dead. I had no power over Kira.

I felt so conflicted. I both hated and loved the man who sat beside me. He wasn't Light anymore, I knew that, but I couldn't help but hope he was there, somewhere. Just a small part of him. I knew that I was going to die, and that I should kill Kira while I had the chance. I should crash the helicopter and kill us both. I was already dead, so my life was of no concern to me, and Light...no _Kira_, would have no chance of escape if this machine were to crash. He would die with me, but so would Watari. I knew that if Watari understood the situation, he would wish for me to take his life also, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't take his life. Or perhaps I could, but there was still a part of me that was reluctant to kill what was left of Light. I wanted to preserve him, try to bring him back, however impossible it was.

I landed the helicopter, regretful that I hadn't crashed it and killed us. I could have stopped him...Kira...I was dead anyway, what did my life mean? Why hadn't I just done it? Why was I now following Watari and Light...Kira into Headquarters? Why did I tell Watari that I needed a break and wanted to be alone and he was to lock the book away? That I needed rest, after our failure in capturing Kira? My failure in not killing Kira in the helicopter...  
Time was so peculiar right now. I knew it really wasn't time per say, but rather the adrenalin that was coursing through my veins, almost as hot as Light's kisses. I couldn't believe that I could be his first. The only man to take him, with the beautiful body he had. I had believed...that perhaps we'd have a lot more time together. Instead, our time had come to an end with Kira's reawakening. Of course, this was always Kira's intention. He expected himself to fall in love with me, and I had been too slow...too stupid and foolish to realise it. Too naive to realise that Light was perfect for me in every way and Kira knew it. He'd used my love against me. I'd become so weak, so giddy with love, that I'd let myself trust Light and believe he'd keep my name safe. How stupid I was. I literally _deserved _to die, for being so stupid. So pathetically stupid.

Time...Time wasn't reacting the way it normally did. I could see and feel everything in such clear detail. I could hear our very footsteps in the hall and I could almost count the years it took between the beating of my heart or the seconds it took me to blink. Perhaps I could count that time in minutes. Everything was so slow, it was almost so overwhelming, but that the same time, in the time it took me to take a breath, I was out of the helicopter and in my bedroom, alone with Kira who had wordlessly followed me.

"I'm very sorry about this, Lawliet," he murmured. "You've been a worthy opponent, and at times I'd almost thought I would lose to you. But in the end, you were the one who lost."  
"No," I mumbled, sitting on the end of my bed dejectedly, "I lost myself along the way a very long time ago. When I first met you, perhaps. I lost myself in trying to convict you...I lost myself when I fell in love with you...I'd almost lost everything when we separated...I suppose now isn't so much different from then, is it? I've lost you again, just after I got you back."

"I never expected myself to say this, L, but I almost feel sorry for you. You don't even have a chance to run. You can't even escape. No matter where you are in the world, you will die. I have your name, and that is all I need."

"It hurts...to hear Kira's words coming from your lips, Light," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears. Once, I would never give Kira the satisfaction of having me break down in front of him, but now, so much had changed. I had lost my love, for good this time. It really was the end. There was no hope.

"I _am _Light, L. You're acting as if I'm two different people, but I'm not. This is who I really am. When I'm truly myself, this is who I am. The Light you fell in love with wasn't half of who I am, that was a sheltered, empty version of me. Someone with no clue, no memory, no vitality or thirst for life."

'You're not giving yourself enough credit there, Light," I smiled, sniffling pathetically. "You had a thirst for life, just a different life. You expected nothing from the world like you do now. This version of yourself...you're too selfish. Too delusional and too involved in yourself."

"You know, I almost expected you to beg for your life," he said, changing the subject slightly. It was a good move on his part, he was toying with me. If he let me anger him, he would kill me so much sooner, and he wouldn't have the chance to rub this in any further.

"I wouldn't beg you for anything," I answered, falling back and closing my eyes tiredly. I smiled slightly. "But you've begged me for so much. Touch you here, there..." I got no reply, and I didn't expect one. If anything, I expected to be answered with his fists. I sighed softly, remembering how very beautiful Light could be when he was so bare to me, revealing his very soul...  
"You're a fool," he finally hissed, voice shaking. I opened a baleful eye, just wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up. "I'll let you live, if you agree that I'm right and you're wrong."

"Is that what you've been trying to prove this whole time?" I questioned scathingly. "Trying so childishly to prove me _wrong_? Using the lives of others like a pieces of a game?"

Light's eyes widened, and I realised the reason he was looking up at the ceiling, towards the heavens, was so that he couldn't let any tears fall. There was a set to his lips...as if he hated being reprimanded like a child.  
"Can't you see?" he whispered, reaching up to cover his lips with his hands as if to push the words away, hide them and stop them from reaching my ears. "I'm trying to justify keeping you alive. Don't you want to live, Lawliet?"

"Is that Light speaking? Or the monster that you've let yourself become?" I questioned, feeling for the very first time in my life, like a very old man. My entire body ached because my soul ached. It ached and it hurt.

"Shut up, shut up," he pleaded, covering his ears. "Do you know how much this hurts? I never thought it could be so hard to kill you, of all people. It was hard enough to kill L, but now it has become so much harder by the fact half of me can't even stand the thought of killing you. I _expected _it to be hard to kill someone I'd fall in love with...but not this hard. I actually thought love was purely fictional. I thought that such a deep thing couldn't possibly exist, it was just stories and excuses, exaggerations...You've taught me that love really does exist. You really can lose yourself to it, let it take you over without realising. Love is supposed to be a beautiful thing and I'm genuinely sad to see it rot like this."

"We are who we are," I told him simply, closing my eyes again. I wished he'd stop talking. The sooner he killed me, the sooner I didn't have to deal with the pain in my heart anymore.

"Don't you still want to be with me, L? Even though you've lost? You can stay alive, be by my side..."  
"My apologies, but I'd rather lay down and die, if you don't mind..."

"So...you don't love me, anymore?" Such hesitation. It hurt to hear it in the voice that I loved.

"I loved you. But that love doesn't extend to this new you."  
"I thought...I thought you loved me! I love you, and I completely accept you for who you are! You're the man that has hunted me down and tried to have me killed for the work I've done, and I forgive you! That is love, Lawliet! You never loved me, otherwise you'd accept me for who I really am."

"Light...you're incompressible. You're not making any sense. You are saying whatever emerges into your mind, and that is not very god-like. You sound like a desperate teenager."  
"Because that is what I am!" he near shouted. "I have had greatness thrust upon me, and I haven't had my taste of the world yet! But I'm old enough to understand love, Lawliet!"

"Don't..." I shuddered. "Don't call me by that name." I hated how it felt so perfect from his lips, and I hated how he was using it. My emotions were so confused. My body couldn't tell that this Light was any different from the Light from before, even though my mind knew it. Light was _dead_. I had to keep telling myself that. I couldn't save him from himself. It was over.

***

_POV: Light_

"I can't take this any more," he whispered, hiding his face. Was he hiding tears? It made me want to cry with him, but it also made me want to laugh at how pathetically weak he was. He was offering me no fight at all! He was giving in to me.

I had never been more confused or conflicted in my life. I needed to break away, just spend some time to myself and figure things out, but I knew I didn't have the time. I needed to kill L _now_. It couldn't wait, but I couldn't bring myself to do it just yet. He stood and I followed him to the bathroom, where I'd first fallen for him. He went to the sink and splashed water on his face, his eyes giving me a long look in the mirror. I sighed, watching him reach to open the cupboard of which the mirror was the door. I gasped in anger when he turned and pulled a gun on me, freezing.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, staring L hatefully in the eyes. He glared, an expression on his face I'd never seen before.

"I'm going to destroy you...and then I'll kill myself." His dark eyes didn't lie.

"You've lost your mind!" I spat, wrinkling my nose in distaste. "If you're dead, why should you care what happens to the world? Why kill me first?"

"Because I intend to make sure you're with me in the afterlife. The _good_ part of you."

"You're just a foolish old man!" I sneered, staring at him with disdain. "What do you know about souls, huh? I'm not going to the same place as you. I've sold my soul."

"And I own your heart," he shrugged, still staring at me with those cold, hateful eyes. "I've got it wrapped in chains. I'm taking it with me when I go."

"What is wrong with you?" I groaned, ignoring the small fluttering in my chest at the thought that he would never stop caring about me. How was it possible to hate someone as much as I hated him, and love him as much as I did? It was so hard to process. "You're so sentimental, and you've got no idea about what happens when you die."

"What makes you so sure about what happens? What makes you think you're going anywhere else?"

"I'm a god remember? I've spoken to a shinigami. I've sold my soul to him, I'll wander for eternity and in exchange for that endless nothing, I have the power to kill anyone how and when I want."

"A shinigami?" I could see this unnerved him. I nodded and lowered my tones.

"His name is Ryuk and he likes apples." I gave a crooked smile. "I think you would like him...to an extent. In fact, he admires you."

"Where does he come from?" L asked, curious. "Is he from the afterlife? Hell?"

"The shinigami realm," I explained, a little relieved that he was becoming a little more responsive. "He got bored there and decided to entertain himself here."

"Did he ever tell you what the shinigami realm is like?" he wondered, lowering the gun slightly. I decided to keep talking, trying not to look at the gun too much to betray my intentions to wrench it from him.

"He says its a boring, rotting place. Everything is sand and ashes. There's nothing much there. All the shinigami's gamble to pass the time, and they all have Death Notes. When they write a humans name down, their life is expanded by the remaining years the human had. When a human uses the Death Note the same way, their lifespan isn't affected at all...The moment you use the Death Note, your soul is signed away."

"I see," L murmured, dropping the gun entirely. I jumped at the loud sound the solid piece of metal made as it hit the floor. "Then it doesn't matter if I kill you or not."

I jumped to my senses and rushed to him, knocking him into the wall and pinning him there with my body, but it didn't seem to matter. L wouldn't fight back. He didn't seem to care. I kicked the gun away with my foot, and glared at him, panting for breath to keep up with my pounding heart.

"Why?" I questioned, confused. "Why doesn't it matter?"

"You haven't figured it out for yourself, have you?" L smiled, his amusement not reaching his tired eyes. "That place of nothingness that you've signed yourself to...is the shinigami realm. A place of nothingness for eternity. When you die, you'll become a shinigami too, and you'll take human lives to extend your own like they do. You can still remain Kira in death, choosing who to kill. You'll use the lives of criminals to keep yourself alive...or whatever it is you are in the afterlife..."

I stared, heart stopping. All this time...He had figured it out in seconds...and I had never...Me? A shinigami? So, in the end, it really didn't matter if I sacrificed half of my lifespan for the shinigami eyes? Because I could still be Kira when I died? Which meant I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by accepting all those months ago...I wouldn't be going through all this heartache right now if I'd just accepted the eye deal.

Why hadn't it occurred to me? That the nothingness I'd sold myself to...was actually the place Ryuk came from? The shinigami realm? So...shinigami were in fact...humans that had used the Death Note? Ryuk had said it himself...that the shinigami world was rotting, that there was nothing in it. That the shinigami were wasting away, gambling and killing humans to keep themselves entertained. But even that had lost its appeal to Ryuk after so many years, I supposed.

So...L wouldn't kill me. It didn't matter. I had won. Without realising it, without meaning to, I had won. Unknowingly, all this time, I had been invincible. It didn't matter if I was alive or not, after all. Even in death I could be Kira....

"You really _are _a child," L mumbled, closing his eyes. "You never realised. I can't kill you...not really."

I gave a giddy laugh, my heart leaping back into action. All this time...! I pressed my lips to L's, wishing he were as ecstatic as I now was. I licked his upper lip, lessening my tight grip on him. I wouldn't be his chains. It didn't matter to either of us if I died...not really.

***

_POV: L_

It was almost funny that Light hadn't figured out the obvious until now. Except...I couldn't bring myself to laugh. Or smile. Or breathe.

I had really lost everything this time. I'd lost Light. I'd lost against Kira. I'd lost against him a long time ago. So, it didn't really matter that I didn't fight back when he kissed me. It didn't matter if I kissed him back the way I did. I would derive whatever comfort I could from whatever source. My spirit was crushed, and all that was left was my body, which was being rubbed against in ways that caused sad moans to escape my throat. Even if this person wasn't completely Light...it was still his body I loved. He touched me in ways Light would...even if the raw edge and demands weren't his.

"Take off your jeans, Lawliet," he breathed, kissing my jaw line. I shook my head slowly, eyes shut as I tangled my fingers in his hair. He sighed and reached down himself to unbutton my jeans. I groaned, pushing my hips into his touch. I wouldn't stop myself, I just didn't have the strength.

"Tell me...tell me how the Death Note works," I sighed, kissing his throat and licking his Adams apple.

"You write a name down...and the person dies of a heart attack in forty seconds," he explained, unbuttoning his shirt and inviting my fingers to play. "You can change the time and method of death, provided you stick to the rules."

"And you killed...ah, _Light_...Higuchi with a piece you kept...?"

"I kept a piece in my watch," he confirmed, sucking on my neck and drawing a long moan. I bucked into his hips, and decided his belt was too much. My fingers shook as I unbuckled it, and he noticed. He took my hands in one of his and led me to the bedroom, stopping to pick up the gun and put it on the bedside table along with his watch before pushing me onto the bed and crawling atop me, grinding himself into me hungrily.

"I want to see the piece," I breathed, nipping his shoulder. He sighed unhappily and produced the tiny slip and showed how he'd used a part of the watch like a pin to prick his own skin and write the name in his own blood. "You're clever," I noted, kissing him deeply. He smiled, proud of himself, and I did my best to distract him from the smile by kissing it away. He moaned against my lips, shuddering as I ran my hands down his back and reaching up to fondle his pert nipples.

"Lawliet, _please_..." he gasped, kissing me. "I want you."

"Get the lube. Its in the cabinet in the bathroom."

When Light returned with the tube, I'd removed my shirt and lay in wait for him, jeans pushed to my knees. He stared, open mouthed, lungs heaving behind his pristine white suit shirt. I bit my lip, wanting something to _touch_. I let my finger touch the tip of myself, swirling around in the early liquids, closing my eyes and gasping at the wonderful, electric feel. I felt Light crawl onto the bed, his pants kicked off to the side from the sound of his belt clunking on the floor. He pushed away my hand forcefully and replaced it with his hot, incredibly wet, salivating mouth. I let out a long cry, turning it into a groan.

"Ride me," I panted, looking down at him, taking his hand and pulling him up. His cheeks flushed the way they used to, and he complied, taking the lube and covering me with it before kneeling over my lap. I guided his hips down, pushing him all the way down, kissing him desperately. He cried out against my lips, and he moved with me, eyes shut tight, gasping, sweat forming on his forehead and his flesh visibly trembling where his heart lay behind his chest.

"_Move,_" I urged him, curling my toes. He did so, wild and rough, panting, gritting his teeth. His hair fell into his tightly shut eyes, fingers digging into my skin as if trying to keep himself from floating away on the waves of sensation.

"Hah! Lawliet...hah...hah! I love you!" he cried, almost in a sob.

I didn't hold back my groans or cries at all, and I didn't stop the tears that flowed joyously and mournfully down the sides of my face. He reached down to kiss me, moving as best he could, bringing us both to the closest thing we could ever hope would be heaven. Pleasure surged through us, shaking and rocking, exploding within and without us. The light of the bathroom shone from behind him, as if some kind of heavenly halo around my precious and beautiful Light. This is how I wanted to remember him. He smiled down at me, eyes pure and full of love. I smiled back, but the expression melted slowly away when his eyes widened with shock, and he began to become overwhelmed with spasms. He grasped his chest, over his heart, staring at me in disbelief. I reached for the piece of the Death Note he'd shown me. While he'd been in the bathroom, I'd pricked myself and written as hastily as I could.

_Light Yagami. _

_Dies of a heart attack after coming to orgasm when making love to L Lawliet._

Light's eyes filled with tears, and I wasn't sure if the ragged, tortured breathing in my ears was my own or his last breaths. He reached for the gun on the bedside table, hand shaking horribly as he aimed it at my own chest and clumsily cocked it. I wondered why I couldn't hear it when it clearly shot me. I could feel it, but barely. I felt very numb. Whether that was because my body was in shock or whether killing my one and only love had numbed me to my very core, I couldn't be sure. He smiled slightly.

"Lawliet," he mouthed, before slumping down over me, his last breath leaving him.

I couldn't breathe. I was crying. Light was dead, but I would be seeing him shortly. He knew. I'd written his name down with his own weapon. I'd sold my soul, and so I'd be seeing him in the shinigami realm and there, where we were both immortal, I could find a way to destroy the Kira within him. I'd be seeing Light...That was my one comfort as I stared at what little I could see of Light's precious face as I drifted off into death, the chains of life no longer restricting me.

It very much felt like going to sleep...I didn't want to sleep though. I didn't care about dreaming. I didn't want to dream about Light, I wanted to wake up and see him again for myself. I wanted him for real, not as some dream figure. I wanted Light, all of him, the good and the bad, because that was who he was.

I told Light that his heart was chained to mine...so when his heart stopped, I wanted mine to stop too. I could feel him...I could feel him pulling me with him, forever bound to me with the chains of love. He was pulling me to a place where I wouldn't ever sleep...but that didn't matter...because I would be awake for eternity...with my Light. Sleep and empty dreams wouldn't touch us there. We would be together. Always.

*******

*******

Well, that's the end, everybody! Finally! I've finally finished a Death Note fanfic! I originally intended for it to go on for a bit longer, but I got impatient with the last chapter, bringing the ending closer here. I hope you all liked it! *nervous smile* I kind of nearly had tears in my eyes at the end when writing it...I was listening to all my sad songs so I'd get the mood the way I wanted it. Of course, I had to keep the smexy part hot so it'd be as unpredictable as I could, so I listened to other songs…It was like trying to trick myself. I had to ignore what was coming to write it the way I wanted.  
Anyway! I want lots of feedback! I want to know what you think! Am I a decent writer? (Can you believe I'd hate to be a professional writer? ^w^) Was it easier with me saying who's POV it was at the start of every part? Or did it become annoying? I want your opinion! I tied the 'chain' and the 'sleep/dreaming' thing back into it at the end. I was a little happy at that, but I don't think I wrote it as well as I could have...

I suppose I should just clarify...even though it's a sad ending because L and Light both died, at least they were both happy! Light knew before he died that L was the one to kill him, and that with L using the Death Note, they'd be together in death. I'm just trying not to think of how their deaths would affect Watari and Matsuda...*sniffs* Makes me feel bad for Chief Yagami, too.

But that's beside the point! Feedback! Reviews! Yus! I want you to respond! Please! *begs on hands and knees* Or I'll never write again!! (That's a bit of an empty threat, but you never know!!! *shakes fist threateningly*)

But for the ease of the readers, do you prefer reading it in chapters, or would you rather I just remove the chapters and have this fic just uploaded in one big, edited hit? I don't like chapters myself, because I like to just save fics to Word and read them in my own time and go back to review after taking a few notes of what I really liked or disliked. ^w^


End file.
